Stress & Peace

I don’t recall a time when I’ve ever dealt well with stress. When I was younger, it looked like laughing when getting in trouble, walking away in the middle of a tough conversation, avoiding people when in conflict, and the list goes on. Now I handle myself better externally in those tough situations, but I still end up internalizing pretty much everything. While the outside may appear to be calm and in control, inside... not so much.

Stress comes in so many ways, and for me, a lot of it is not being in control (that’s a whole other post); stress comes with conflict, death, relationships, loneliness, everyday challenges (flat tires, messy roommates and whatnot). But if instead of internalizing my feelings, instead of pretending nothing affects me, if I allowed myself to grieve and feel and process life, perhaps the stress would not be so great.

And who am I kidding anyway. It’s not like the stress magically disappears when I internalize it. Rather, it comes out in migraines or aches and pains, or a weakened immune system because of lack of sleep. We were created to rid ourselves of stress, whether it’s by going through the process emotionally or ignoring it and forcing our bodies to expell it physically. One way or another…

Peace is not pretending life is ok when it’s not, or walking away from conflict instead of dealing with it. I think peace is trusting in something greater. Peace is giving up control to God, choosing to rest in Him instead of fighting.

Today I choose to start practicing peace again. The other way sucks.

Something to think about… do you ignore stress & hope it will magically disappear or do you choose peace?

Fear & Adventure

Most days I find it extremely challenging to take my thoughts and turn them into something coherent. For a very, very long time, people have been telling me that I should write a book, or they could see me writing, or asking if I’ve written stuff, music, whatever. But, when I sit down to actually write something it feels like I have nothing of importance to say, or at least, nothing that hasn’t already been said. There are countless blogs, books, articles, essays and more that have expressed similar thoughts and ideas already.

What makes my story different? What makes this special?

So far, nothing, in fact there’s almost nothing here. Fear has kept me from putting (so-called) pen to paper. Fear of failure. What if? What if after all the encouragement and expectation and hope other people have put into me… what if it isn’t good? What if I fail to meet my own (unreasonable) expectations for myself? What if I succeed?

A recurring theme in my life is this: If you never try, you cannot fail. It is not true, but it feels true. What a waste, to never try. That used to hold me back from trying new things, meeting new people and generally experiencing life. It seems so much easier to cave in to the fear; but truly, life will be rich when we actually begin to live, to experience.

As Win Borden said, “If you wait to do everything until you’re sure it’s right, you’ll probably never do much of anything.”

So what am I waiting for? I need to start the adventure & stop being afraid.

Writing. It seems that this is an area I’m going to try to step out in more frequently. It doesn’t really matter if anyone ever reads this. But, I’m going to write and see where it takes me.

There are probably going to be times where I fail miserably, but there may also be times when it’s really great. Who knows? But going on the adventure is where all the fun is. It is not waiting at home, looking through someone else’s pictures & hearing someone else’s stories of the adventure you wish you had taken.

At least that’s what I’m telling myself.

If

by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

There's hope.

Slowly as the day progresses, the sun begins to shine again. My tightly clenched fist starts to relax ever so slightly and peace trickles in.

It isn't that emotions are bad, though I do struggle with that. But it can be so easy to forget how blessed I am. A friend who stands by me as I fight the urge to block them out, another who just had to call right now, bringing encouragement and wisdom. Money aside, I am wealthy in friends, family and a God who loves me through it all.

It’s gonna be alright.