13 Leaves

Strange Dating Experiences

2011-05-09T11:52:00.000-06:00

I am gaining quite an array of strange dating stories. Here is the crazy from this morning.

The background: I met this guy on an online dating site. We went on two dates. On Friday he texted me and wanted to go out over the weekend, but I was already busy all weekend and let him know I would text him this week. Then first thing this morning I received a text message from him...

Him: Did you grow up in a strong Christian home?

Me: Yes, why? That's a random question.

Him: Do you still attend church and maintain god in your daily life?

Me: Yes.

Him: Don't worry... I am going somewhere with this. Would you consider yourself financially stable (almost no debt outside of a care and house)?

Me: Almost.

Him: I will let you know that you have confirmed what I was worried about. You and I are the opposite on a few of the major things.

Me: OK.

Me: This is a strange conversation to have over text.

Him: We can meet up this week to talk if you want. I can tell you right now that I think you are better off looking inside the church for a husband instead of on [dating site].

Me: Um, ok.

Him: For example I am not Christian. I believe in God but can't stand or tolerate mans interpretation of God.

Me: OK. I'm not quite sure what to say... thanks for the 2 dates.

Him: Are you glad that we got that piece of information out of the way early instead of 5 or 6 dates in?

Me: Sure. I think it is perhaps not the best conversation to have over text, but it is what it is.

Him: Like I said we can meet up this week and talk about it but I am not sure there is more to say.

Me: Nope, you're right. Not much more to say.

---he then phoned my cell & I missed the call---

Me: I see I missed your call, I was away from my desk. Did you want to talk?

---he phoned again approx 20 minutes later, and I miss it again, this time he leaves a voicemail with his direct work number, but one of the numbers cut out---

Me: Bad day for me to talk, I'm in & out of meetings and keeping missing your call. Also part of your # cut out. That said, I don't know a talk is necessary. We both know where we stand. Good luck in your search.

Him: I am done with [dating site]. I have decided to not look anymore. Good luck in your search.

In my opinion... a strange conversation and a strange ending.

Am I the only person this happens to?

Stress & Peace

2010-12-06T10:45:00.000-07:00

I don’t recall a time when I’ve ever dealt well with stress. When I was younger, it looked like laughing when getting in trouble, walking away in the middle of a tough conversation, avoiding people when in conflict, and the list goes on. Now I handle myself better externally in those tough situations, but I still end up internalizing pretty much everything. While the outside may appear to be calm and in control, inside... not so much.

Stress comes in so many ways, and for me, a lot of it is not being in control (that’s a whole other post); stress comes with conflict, death, relationships, loneliness, everyday challenges (flat tires, messy roommates and whatnot). But if instead of internalizing my feelings, instead of pretending nothing affects me, if I allowed myself to grieve and feel and process life, perhaps the stress would not be so great.

And who am I kidding anyway. It’s not like the stress magically disappears when I internalize it. Rather, it comes out in migraines or aches and pains, or a weakened immune system because of lack of sleep. We were created to rid ourselves of stress, whether it’s by going through the process emotionally or ignoring it and forcing our bodies to expell it physically. One way or another…

Peace is not pretending life is ok when it’s not, or walking away from conflict instead of dealing with it. I think peace is trusting in something greater. Peace is giving up control to God, choosing to rest in Him instead of fighting.

Today I choose to start practicing peace again. The other way sucks.

Something to think about… do you ignore stress & hope it will magically disappear or do you choose peace?

Fear & Adventure

2010-11-26T12:00:00.000-07:00

Most days I find it extremely challenging to take my thoughts and turn them into something coherent. For a very, very long time, people have been telling me that I should write a book, or they could see me writing, or asking if I’ve written stuff, music, whatever. But, when I sit down to actually write something it feels like I have nothing of importance to say, or at least, nothing that hasn’t already been said. There are countless blogs, books, articles, essays and more that have expressed similar thoughts and ideas already.

What makes my story different? What makes this special?

So far, nothing, in fact there’s almost nothing here. Fear has kept me from putting (so-called) pen to paper. Fear of failure. What if? What if after all the encouragement and expectation and hope other people have put into me… what if it isn’t good? What if I fail to meet my own (unreasonable) expectations for myself? What if I succeed?

A recurring theme in my life is this: If you never try, you cannot fail. It is not true, but it feels true. What a waste, to never try. That used to hold me back from trying new things, meeting new people and generally experiencing life. It seems so much easier to cave in to the fear; but truly, life will be rich when we actually begin to live, to experience.

As Win Borden said, “If you wait to do everything until you’re sure it’s right, you’ll probably never do much of anything.”

So what am I waiting for? I need to start the adventure & stop being afraid.

Writing. It seems that this is an area I’m going to try to step out in more frequently. It doesn’t really matter if anyone ever reads this. But, I’m going to write and see where it takes me.

There are probably going to be times where I fail miserably, but there may also be times when it’s really great. Who knows? But going on the adventure is where all the fun is. It is not waiting at home, looking through someone else’s pictures & hearing someone else’s stories of the adventure you wish you had taken.

At least that’s what I’m telling myself.

New / Adventure (Quick Notes Version)

2010-10-20T22:51:00.002-06:00

This evening I made pies. Not something totally crazy, I've done it many, many times before, but this time I made them with my new friend. I learned some new things, she asked how I did some things. Overall, so worth it.

The last year or so has been an adventure, trying new things, working on being more social and meeting new people. Some days it is the most difficult thing in the world to go into a new situation. And then other days it's a piece of cake (...pie)! Today was easy. Conversation was very natural and (I think) the two of us worked quite well together, compromising, adjusting and ending up with a beautiful (nearly) finished product.

New friends are great. My adventures continue and it's days like today that remind me the fear and trepidation are a bit of an overreaction and the potential for something amazing to happen is always there.

If

2010-09-20T14:03:00.002-06:00

by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Alone

2010-09-19T17:14:00.002-06:00

There are some days when the weather matches my mood. Or perhaps it's my mood matching the weather. Either way, it's gray and overcast, the rain comes down and the very fact that I'm alone, always, threatens to overwhelm me. Even the thin condo walls betray no one behind them today and besides the cars driving past on the road, full of people with places to go and friends and family to visit, only the hum of the refrigerator is here to keep me company.

Well, the hum of the fridge as well as two more seasons of Denny Crane & Alan Shore on DVD.

Why, when our culture has created so many options for pleasure, so much to do and see, the ease of travel, why are there so many people wandering around totally alone in such a crowded world?

How do you fight the loneliness? How do you stay sane when the very facts are threatening that it will be this way forever?

Maybe this would be a good time to dream about possibilities rather than wallowing in sadness.

There's hope.

2010-09-14T12:30:00.000-06:00

Slowly as the day progresses, the sun begins to shine again. My tightly clenched fist starts to relax ever so slightly and peace trickles in.

It isn't that emotions are bad, though I do struggle with that. But it can be so easy to forget how blessed I am. A friend who stands by me as I fight the urge to block them out, another who just had to call right now, bringing encouragement and wisdom. Money aside, I am wealthy in friends, family and a God who loves me through it all.

It’s gonna be alright.

Emotion

2010-09-14T10:54:00.000-06:00

I forgot how exhausting emotions can be. Usually I’m very good at compartmentalizing it all, or ignoring a lot of it, or distracting myself until I can’t feel it anymore. Long term side-effects of these methods are not good and not recommended. Short-term benefits, well, they’re not necessarily worth it. Does that stop me? Of course not.

When the day comes that I lose control of my emotions, it ends up completely draining me physically and mentally. Why is this? Why is something that’s supposed to be good, that is an integral part of us, why does it take so much? And is that not another part of the problem, that in theory I understand that this is a normal part of life, but in reality I hate it. This week (all two days so far) feels like Alberta weather, just wait five minutes and it will change again. Right now, an emotional storm; five minutes from now... maybe clear skies, maybe partly cloudy.

Even still, the attempt is to hold it all together, don’t lose control, never lose control. But that’s another issue.

Usually it’s one day at a time. Today, minute by minute.

Lord, help please!

Blind

2010-09-13T11:52:00.001-06:00

I don’t know where I’m going. What needs pushing and what doesn’t? Decisions. Processing. I’m jumping out of a plane again, but this time solo, not knowing if I have a parachute on, let alone whether it will open.

Somebody catch me… preferably before I fall, before I fail.

Not thinking; just feeling, hoping to God that I don’t screw it all up, but I probably will. No guarantees, no promises. Flailing through the emotion blindly, vaguely aware of the “supposed to be” logic that today, is just outside my scope of vision.

Lines blur.
Life continues.
Where, where am I going.

Trust & Intimacy

2010-09-07T11:06:00.002-06:00

These two things, trust & intimacy go hand-in-hand. Which means, when there is no trust, there is no intimacy.

As I flail my way into the possibility of a relationship (scary), I’m finding out how little I really trust people. Everyone. God. My best friends. There is a huge lack of trust and it’s hurting me because everything I have built to protect myself is in reality keeping out the people I love too. This is extremely difficult change and the process so far is quite painful.

The mirror has been placed before me and what I see is not pretty. Oh sure, on the surface, to the average person I look fine. To those who know me well, the struggle is visible. And painfully, some of those closest to me have been hurt by me trying to protect myself. How stupid.

This lack of intimacy that I have developed over the years, could be blamed on circumstances throughout my years. Or perhaps the blame should lay on people, people who have both intentionally and unintentionally hurt me. But ultimately it is best to “Fix the problem, not the blame.” For what does blame solve? And isn’t the solution what I’m going after?

With that in mind, it is back to one day at a time; a doggy-paddle of survival in an ocean of fear. But I can and will learn to swim, learn to trust, learn to let people in (intimacy = into-me-see). Most days it’s terrifying. But I hear tales of it being worth it in the long-term. Fairy tales they may be, but I still believe in them.

So... here goes another risk.

Fake Christmas Tree in July

2010-08-06T17:59:00.001-06:00

It seems as though so much of life has become artificial. From the fake Christmas tree in the corner of my living room (yes, still) to the "community" that I live in (read: condo building with a defunct 'social committee') and especially the food we eat on a daily basis. From vegetables that have been genetically modified in order to make a trip around the world to here (why we can't grow our own, I'm not sure), to chips, pasta, pop, and a variety of other foodstuffs we have decided can be our mainstay in our too busy culture.

I'm too busy to spend time with my family.

I'm too busy to cook.

I'm too busy to get some exercise.

I'm too busy to …

Fill in the blank, the list continues.

But if we're too busy for real life, then what have we filled it with? Artificial, fake, meaningless pursuits, more stuff, more work, more appointments and coffee and drinking and … again, fill in the blank because the list continues.

I'm not saying that everyone is like this. There can be balance. But I think much of the joy has gone out of our work, our play, our food, our everything.

Cooking, and spending time growing our food, preparing our food and enjoying our food, has become a lost art. We eat to work, and we work to play, but we're too busy to play because by the time everything gets done at the job most of us (likely) don't care about, we have become too tired to do anything but sit on the couch with a takeout bag and a pop, watching tv.

Then the next realization is that we got too fat. Yikes! When did that happen? Just because I lead a sedentary life with minimal real nutrition in my diet…how did this to happen! Shortened life span, even less joy in life, multiple trips to the doctor, the specialist, the naturalist, the whatever…

When will we stop flushing our lives down the toilet and wake up and actually smell a flower. Seriously, when was the last time you smelled a flower? The lilacs this spring were glorious. The wild roses are so sweet to walk past. And while you smell that flower, what you thought was "wasting" a minute has instead become a minute rescued.

Taking five minutes to cut up some fresh peppers, and cucumber, throw it over some lettuce with blueberries and feta didn't take any more time than waiting in the drive-thru for food that will sit like a brick in your stomach and you probably didn't enjoy past the first bite (if even that).

When do we draw the line, take a step back and realize that life isn't supposed to be artificial? Some of the most fun I've had has been experimenting and cooking with friends, enjoying real conversation over a delicious meal, savoring both and remembering that this is what life is really all about. Being real, eating real.

What about the fake Christmas tree, you ask. It stays for now, but maybe when I learn how to not kill a plant, I'll trade it in for a real tree too.

Scattered

2010-07-19T11:11:00.002-06:00

Life has been all over the place in the last few years. Not yet sure where I'm going, or even really where I'm coming from. Lately there have been more thoughts on blogging, but when it comes to actually sitting down and typing a few paragraphs, my mind goes blank and all those things that I thought I wanted to share run away to the dark recesses of my mind. Will they come back? Oh probably, when I'm out actually doing life instead of thinking so hard about what I want to write.

There are so many subjects that I've been pondering lately. Probably the one that currently stands out most is eating local, knowing where your groceries come from and deciding what is it you really need. We are such a want based society, is it any wonder the average person is in thousands of dollars of debt?

The book of choice right now is 'Animal, Vegetable, Miracle' by Barbara Kingsolver and it is stimulating a lot of thought. It's to the point that even shopping in a regular grocery store makes me think about what I'm doing and why. This also ties into the want vs need and our desire to have everything now. Changing my shopping habits (the last two weeks have been pretty much exclusively farmers market) has been the biggest reaction as of right now; the second reaction would be how much I'm talking about this with others, bringing it up in normal conversation as often as possible!

Religion, church and spirituality - another area that has stimulated a lot of thought lately. I don't want to open that one up yet, but it's there... waiting.

Getting settled is another something that's been put off forever. I've lived in my current place for over a year now and still haven't finished unpacking and sorting. This is getting lame!

Reading, thinking, processing, listening, talking... and the journey continues.

Nothing that hasn't already been said before

2009-04-10T15:34:00.002-06:00

By others, but I'll say it anyway because it's what's in my head now.

Spring. There is definitely something to it. God really knew what He was doing when He made this season. To watch in a week, the snow almost all melted, winter coats shed, the smells of car exhaust and dust mixed with the fresh smell of trees and grass that will soon turn green. I'm anxious to go for a walk, begin shedding some of the extra winter "warmth" and the desire for fresh fruit and veggies has dramatically increased.

The tension and seeming hopelessness of winter is failing and the ease and hope of spring has claimed hold of my heart. Even the emotional and mental challenges that seem so intense when the sky is overcast and gray, they seem manageable and even able to be overcome now. Perhaps it's not all to be blamed on the seasons, but there is something so incredible about the whole season change.

Of course much of it is that I'm coming through the other side of challenges and it happens to coincide with spring, but what a coincidence that is! I very much enjoy the changes that are going on. The potential that life holds seems so much more possible right now!

In other words... it's a good day.

Busy, emotional, life goes on...

2009-03-09T15:49:00.001-06:00

Today is a busy day at work. I'm tired of everyone saying "...at least you have a job..." While that may be true, it doesn't mean I enjoy my job any more than I did before. It's still a sucky place to be. But it's ok, life goes on and something better will come in time. Until then, biding my time.

Emotional. I watched a movie this weekend and there was a scene in it that messed me right up. I keep picturing this scene in my head, the intensity of the emotions, everything that keeps happening. Usually movies don't affect me, but probably because I've been going through so much anyway, I'm extra sensitive right now... or something.

Processing, processing...

Blowing the dust off the shelf...

2009-02-23T22:28:00.001-07:00

Since returning from California, life seems to be a blur. The days are melting into each other until I can't tell what belongs where anymore. After spending two years being encouraged, challenged, growing and stretching, being "home" feels a bit empty. Finding my next step feels like stepping off the cliff in Indiana Jones, I've been told there's a bridge there, but it's the leap of faith to get to it... and what if it's actually a few feet to the left and I fall off?

It all seems very vague and uncertain, and that's how I feel. I'm not sure what I'm "supposed" be doing, or where I "should" be going. Granted there are people who seem to know that for me, but I don't know.

Today I received word that the job I applied for, isn't mine. They decided not to create the position in their company at this time and I'm actually really quite disappointed about it. Not that it was my dream career, but it was closer to something I would enjoy doing. Maybe God shut that door because there are other things I will be doing, but how frustrated I am with where I am at right now.

One day at a time though. it's my mantra, it's how I get through right now, because I just don't know if I can do more than that. Sometimes it's an hour at a time, sometimes less... but I'm making it through. And I know soon, after these growing pains are done, the sky will be brighter, the air fresher and I'll begin to dream again. Dreaming is evasive, but I'll get there. And when I do, it will be so good.

The Nicest Thing

2008-11-12T01:02:00.002-07:00

This is one of the nicest things anyone's said about me:

"We're so blessed to have our friend lead from the piano/keyboard. She's so sensitive the Spirit I've been telling people she's accompanying Him. It's precious every time we meet."
TL

After leading worship for a conference this past weekend, it was good to know that I'm actually ok at what I'm doing! It's been a long journey (a long story) to get back to worship again, let alone leading it!

Between this and returning to the Yardbird Jam Nights, I think I'm getting back into this. Oh, and it looks like I might be taking some piano lessons again from one of the best in the city! That's pretty cool.

OK... late night.

Later.

Life

2008-08-12T17:31:00.000-06:00

There are times when life just happens and I feel like I can't catch up. There's this breaking point (for me, usually a mini-meltdown) where my insides hurt and I just want to crawl somewhere and have a good cry. But having moved back in with the parental units, it seems like there is no space that's really my own where I'll be uninterrupted.

Mostly right now the frustrations are coming from missing the church I was at (the school too) for the last two years. Having been through a crazy experience and developing these great friendships and being at a place where my paradigms were totally adjusted, coming home seems awkward and ill-fitting at times. My church here feels like something needs to break open in the spiritual realm. There is this underground contingent of people who are searching for something more, something real... but it's not here yet. God is so real to me and I want that for other people, but I have no idea how to share that right now. The last few weeks I've actually skipped Sunday services because I cannot listen to another hopeless message. If we aren't preaching hope, then what's the point?

Along with all of that, I'm afraid I offended someone quite close to me. It was completely unintentional, I was tired and frustrated and stressed out and it came through in my tone of voice on an answering machine. The last thing in the world I want to do is offend them, but sometimes it seems what's pushing on my own heart is coming through and I cannot hide those things as well as I want to. And by hide, I only mean until there's a good chance to talk about it with who I need to talk about it, not to hide forever.

Anyway - a little depressing, but journal writing was too slow and I just didn't know who to call. So here it goes, out into the wild blue yonder where anyone can read it and I don't even care.

Fun times.

Life Change

2008-06-04T01:19:00.001-06:00

Over and over again I become dissatisfied with my appearance, my weight more specifically. And I say I will start something. I will start working out, I will do something. Well, it seems like that time again. Now, at the heaviest point again, life needs to change. Healthy habits will be created and unhealthy ones will be discarded. I really need to find someone to work on this with me.

Have I mentioned how tired I am of the... "but you don't look overweight" or the "but you carry it well."

I'm tired of carrying it and the negative impact it is having on my health, energy and life.

So... here it goes again. I signed up for the Body-For-Life Challenge and expect to begin on June 30th. We'll see what happens. The advantage is that my new job (starting Monday) is right beside my favorite gym which I will get a membership at again.

Fun times. Blah.

The Great Countdown

2008-05-05T01:08:00.001-06:00

In eighteen days, at about this time of night (hopefully a little earlier than this actually), I will be walking into the e-town airport. Home again! I am excited about it, though it's not the only emotion as I have now spent the better part of two years here in California. Ah - the weather! There is definitely a joy in sitting outside in shorts and a tank top while talking on the phone to mom & dad who are sitting at home watching a snow-storm outside in April! Haha!

The last few months have been good and I've gotten to travel a bit more. This year I have gone on a total of six trips and they have all been within the States; six trips with school that is. I've gone to: Fortuna, CA (20 minutes South of Eureka); Valporaiso, IN (twice, a little over an hour West of Chicago); Woodland, WA (just North of Portland); Concord, NC and Pepperell, MA (about 40 minutes outside Boston). My favorite trips were to Valporaiso because of the people there, and that happens to include my Aunt & Uncle and five beautiful cousins who were here in Redding last year! It was so wonderful to spend time with them again and also get to minister at the church they are pastors at. There is also some extended family there as well as some new friends I made.

Travel was probably one of my favourite parts of the year because of the people, getting to see different parts of North America, and getting to minister with the pastors of Bethel in a smaller group.

This year I have had three visitors from home and that was very incredible for me! With not being able to go home at all this year, I have been a little more homesick than I was last year. (First Christmas away from home – hopefully that won't happen again anytime soon!) Anyway, the first was the most surprise visit - a belated Christmas present. That was very special. Then a couple of weeks ago I received a message asking my "hypothetically" which days would work best for a visit and my good pal J came to surprise me. Not only that but she took me to Eureka for the weekend and we hung out at a book store and stayed in the cutest old b&b! On top of that, we also made a little trip to the spa. While she was here, my friend A called me and told me she was coming down to visit! Two hours after J left, A showed up and it was more spoiling for me! It included another trip to the spa and some new clothes and lots of time with my friends. Very cool!

Those were just a couple of highlights.

Other than that, I am soon packing my room (my few possessions) and preparing once again to transition.

That reminds me… when I get back to e-town – I need a JOB!! If you know of any great opportunities that would be perfect for me, please let me know! (And if you're actually IN e-town, that would probably be good).

If you are wondering what the plan is for next year, well so am I. I did apply for third year (as an intern) and have been accepted (of course). Financially, this is totally impossible at this point. I would love to move to Valporaiso because of the people and opportunity I would have to serve at an incredible church. And finally (and most likely), I will remain in e-town working and hopefully getting involved with some churches locally.

Fun times.

Sorry this was so long.

Later.

Oh… I accept questions and I'll probably even respond to them if you want to ask me stuff!

Adventure Awaits...

2008-04-19T11:47:00.001-06:00

On Wednesday I received a message from a friend wondering "hypothetically" which days would work best for her to visit. All I knew was that I was to pack an overnight bag and be ready to go by dinnertime. Last night she arrived at about 6:30pm, I grabbed my bag and she whisked me away off into the sunset (literally - it was bright) for an adventure-filled weekend! At 10pm we arrived in Eureka, CA at a little bed & breakfast place called The Daly Inn (http://www.dalyinn.com/) and were shown to the "Victorian Rose Suite". So fun! Breakfast was sit-down promptly at 9am.

Now we're off to explore Eureka. Apparently there is a really fantastic used-book store here (like I need more books) among other things. So we'll go there, check out rummage sales or garage sales, probably look at the beach and who knows what else!

So fun! (Hypothetically speaking of course! Haha!)

Later...

Bathroom Fixed

2008-04-18T10:00:00.001-06:00

Brief update... I switched the doorknob from my bedroom (with lock) to the master bath door and visa-versa. No one ever comes into my room ever so this was good. And now I can use the toilet and shower without being stressed out at the possibility of someone walking in on me!

Such peace.

Bathroom Woes.

2008-03-21T11:14:00.002-06:00

Today, my roommate (the guy - as I live with a couple) walked in on me while I was on the toilet. So frustrating. From saying they weren't going to use the master bedroom door, to using it, to walking in on me. So I asked him if he would call and get the lock repaired now. He told me that there is no lock. I told him that's the problem. He said, but there's not supposed to be a lock. To which I replied, of course there is, it's broken; please get it fixed now. He said that he "guesses" he could look into it.

At this point, I'm willing to change the lock from my bedroom door to the master bath door. Not only that but they've locked me out of the bathroom on a number of occasions by using their door and forgetting to unlock the main door. So many problems. I'm so tempted to seal up the door or something. Of course I won't, but still!

Push that button again, I dare you.

2008-03-04T02:47:00.001-07:00

Lately I've been doing some thinking about "buttons." You know – someone you know finds out that you detest they way they poke fun at that watchamacallit of yours and so of course the only thing they want to do is poke fun at your watchamacallit. This particular "watchamacallit" may be something seemingly unimportant or small like a pet peeve, or it could be an issue in your life you genuinely need to work on. Regardless of what it is – they have found a "button" they like to push.

There are three button colors in my world.

GREEN: even though it's a little annoying – it's funnier than annoying so I don't really mind when you make fun of "_how much I dislike my food touching on the plate_" (would be an example of a green button from my life).

YELLOW: it's hard to tell if it's more annoying or if it's more funny when you push this button so proceed with caution – it's only going to be ok when I'm in a good mood. (I can't currently think of a good example of this one.)

RED: you make me very angry and maybe hurt too when you decide that you need to push this button so back off and don't touch. Sensitive areas. (For example, for the average girl, body-weight is probably going to lay in this category - joke about this and die.)

You may be wondering why this is a thought topic for me. Or you may be brilliant enough to have figured out that there are people in my life who think it is their calling to push my buttons (esp. the RED) and try to force me into a place of growth. Granted there are people who just enjoy button-pushing, but the ones that really get me are the "growth" pushers (if I push – you grow) – at least that's what they think.

Really? You want to push that RED button? Again? You really think I'm going to grow and change and not get mad at you? You don't think God speaks to ME about the areas in my life I need to work on? Really? You really think you need to be the one to force change in my life?

I think not.

God is big enough and my relationship with Him is good enough that we work on stuff together. If He wants to push buttons – well, I won't argue because every time I do I lose. But if you decide that you want to push buttons, I may just start pushing back.

And for the really annoying people who seem to not have any buttons – I pretty much shut down. If you have decided (again) your job is to inspire growth in me, I may have to decide to keep you at a distance. If you are a close enough friend to have that permission to speak into my life – I expect you have the maturity to speak into my life rather than attempting to poke at my issues with a big long stick.

Those are my thoughts on buttons.

So like the title says: push that button again... I dare you.

Later.

Migraine Pain

2008-03-03T01:40:00.001-07:00

Friday and Saturday - migraine all day, both days. That sucked. I pretty much hate migraines. I cannot wait until I never get them anymore. Besides that, I'm not enjoying keeping up with this thing, mostly because I forget to write and then feel bad that I haven't written. Not that I don't like giving updates, but I dislike the guilt of not keeping up to date!

So, besides that, there are still stories I have to catch up and hopefully this week will be the week. I have to catch up on homework tomorrow so that I can go to class on Tuesday. Then next week, it should be back to normal mostly. Well, maybe. I have a potential "dog-sitting" type job on Sat & Sun and then travel the following week again. I would really like to have a "normal" week at least once. But whatever.

Seriously - hopefully more coming...

Later.

Not supposed to but am...

2008-02-25T20:36:00.001-07:00

I know that I'm not supposed to be stressed about money and finances, but checking my accounts today it appears as though I'm in some trouble. Pretty much I don't know what to do anymore... so... maybe setup a donation button on my blogs? Argh.

Really, I wish I knew what I could do at this point... seriously.

Promises, promises

2008-02-18T14:50:00.001-07:00

I promised I would update my blog with more stories and things going on, but then neglected to do so. As I sit in my room where I finally have a good internet connection (thanks neighbors) and listen to my roommates argue about their car (in our completely not soundproof apt), I wonder where to begin. Lately I haven't felt much like writing, but people keep telling me that I need to be writing, and though I'm sure blogging is not what they had in mind when they told me to write, at least it's a start.

There are of course many stories I could regale you with, the homeless lady we had over for dinner - that was an interesting experience. Or there's my most recent travel to Indiana and back (more people have adopted me which is always nice). Then there are random little things that happen all the time. Those are the times when I'm usually waiting for life to happen while it's actually happening all around me. Why is that? What is this "destination disease" that I seem to have contracted. Some days I'm perfectly content to not know where I'm going or what I'm doing and other days it's all I can do to not skip ahead into the future and forget about the moments of today that make it all worth while.

Last night, standing at church waiting for my roommates I was talking with two friends. Nothing profound, nothing stellar, but that touch on the elbow reminding me that I'm actually here, and the laughs at something stupid, looking at them both knowing that for a moment, the world consisted of just the three of us even though there were a couple hundred people all around us. What a weird place to be in, but how satisfying it is.

Then on our way home, a trip to the FoodMax to pick up some pita's and hummus (and it's not hum like hummingbird, it's something I couldn't even type out as my Lebanese roommate corrected me). As I walked around the store (trying not to think about how badly I had to pee - what a waste of time, peeing), I met a friend from school and we talked for a couple of minutes. Then through the checkout line, the clerk was exceptionally personable for eleven pm, teasing me about my late-night chocolate purchase (post Valentine's sale I tell you).

These moments, when I can't help but smile. These moments are the ones that make up life.

I will tell you about the homeless woman, just not today. I'm off to go do life for a while.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

2008-02-13T17:47:00.001-07:00

At least that is what they say. I'm not sure who "they" are, but there comes a time when people are just annoyed with the lack of updates. Fondness is not what is experienced in that moment. Not that that would happen with anyone I know, but it seemed like an interesting introduction.

It has indeed been a while since writing, my apologies for the delay. Much has happened in my life and I'll tell you a little bit about it. As of January 21^st, I have a new apartment. The last place had many challenges some of which we were not able to work out. Because of that, I found a new place to live. My new roommates are fantastic and I finally have my own room! What a joy that is, that after the better part of two years sharing a room, I finally have a space that is all my own – no snoring allowed! Not only that but it is only three miles from church and I can ride my bicycle to school fairly easily.

Speaking of the bicycle, just two and a half weeks ago I was attending the Writer's conference at Bethel. On Monday morning I did not have a ride there so I took my bike. Nice ride there, a little chilly (just below freezing), but not bad. Well, on the way home, there was one place in the road where it gets a little tight and the cars get pretty close. Because of this, I had the brilliant idea of jumping the curb (just a small one here) to get on the pseudo bike-path in the dirt beside the road. With a last minute hesitation, my tires ended up parallel to the curb instead of slightly turned when it was supposed to be and my bike came to an abrupt halt while my body kept on going with the momentum. Over the handlebars (and into the ditch, thank God) I flew through the air, landing on a cement cover for an electricity access point or something. My helmet now has a broken visor and my knees are almost healed up from the blood and bruises I received. Hesitating was a very bad idea, but I'm alive!

One of the great things that happened in January was a late Christmas present. While I was house-sitting, I was expecting a package to be delivered the second week of January. Apparently it was a special favour some guy was doing, you know, because it was Christmas. I was very excited, wondering what gift I could possibly be receiving, the possibilities were really endless. But what I actually got was not even a thought in my head. The doorbell rang and I went to answer it – expecting the delivery man. Instead, when I opened it, I stood there in complete shock for probably an entire minute. One of my best friends from home was on my doorstep! She was the delivery! What a fantastic surprise that was, I was absolutely thrilled to spend nearly a week with her! So great.

This is getting a little long and it's all stories. I'll summarize now and if you want to read a little more, I'll be updated my blog soon with a couple more stories (www.cvmiller.blogspot.com). OK, essentially my living situation finally being settled, life has been a lot more peaceful and happier for me. Not to say that there aren't challenges wherever I am, but in my new situation we are all working together to communicate and ensure that we're on the same page, or at least finding understanding as to why we're on different pages.

I have been traveling and it's been great. I'm at a point in my year where even though my circumstances lately have been little nuts, I am more sure than ever of who I am. And while I'm not quite sure where I'm going yet, I am confident that it's ok to not know; the world doesn't end because I'm not sure what job I'll have this summer!

Later.

Snow Day

2008-01-29T19:35:00.001-07:00

I live in California. Granted - it's northern CA. But CA none-the-less. And today, school was canceled. Because of snow. Some areas of the city had almost ONE INCH. Really? Canceling school for an inch of snow? Yep. It's true. When my dad found out, this is what he wrote:

They closed your school today because of snow, eh? Did you mention that it was -40 C or F (your choice) here last night and that we had 8 inches of snow that was drifting as high as 1-1/2 feet? The six year olds in grade one didn't stay home today.

Love, Dad

I love my country. Minus 40 and we stick it out! Ha! Now whether it is fortitude or stupidity? I can't say for sure.

Not sure

2008-01-17T00:33:00.001-07:00

I'm not even sure what to write about right now.

Having T visit was so fantastic! It is so nice to know that when I come home at least one person will have a clue about what I'm talking about (she was able to come to school with me for two days, so that was great). That, catching up, just being able to hang out and enjoy time with someone you never have to explain yourself to was incredible. It's one of those friendships where you know each other so well that you can just totally be yourself and it's so good.

Other than that, I'm stressing a bit. I had someone all ready to move into my last place to finish out the lease for me and the girls nixed her. I'm so frustrated with that right now. It's just one of those "I just want to be at home" moments. It's not just that, it just seems that that's the icing on the cake right now. Many challenges. Lots of stuff going on internally and I wish I could explain it all but I don't even understand it myself.

And Australia will probably be dropped. Apparently we need $2000 by the end of the month and I don't have that much. Well, it was a nice thought while it lasted.

Hopefully tomorrow's outlook will be more positive. Blah.

Later.

Fun!

2008-01-13T16:02:00.001-07:00

I was doing so well at updating, but then on Wednesday night I had a friend show up and surprise me! Yay! Merry Christmas to me! So, she'll be leaving tomorrow afternoon (sad) and I'm enjoying every possible minute with her until then. Hopefully I'll have a chance for a real update after that.

Oh - here's a quick tidbit. I have someplace to live as of January 21st. Until then I have someplace to stay and it's all good.

Until later.

Really?

2008-01-07T00:12:00.001-07:00

Well, for those of you wondering, I still haven't confirmed anything for living yet. I called the couple (the reasonably priced place with my own room), but got the answering machine. I left a message and hopefully tomorrow they will get back to me. The hope was that this would be finished with already, but thankfully the people I'm house-sitting for (one of my adopt-a-families) are letting me stay a few extra days until I get something confirmed.

House-sitting does officially end today. I was supposed to go pick up the fam at the airport fifteen minutes ago, but they called and the flight was canceled. They are doing their best to rent a vehicle and make the four-hour drive tonight. One hour flight turns into trying to find luggage, rent a car, keep everything together and stay awake enough to make a four hour drive in the middle of the night. Meanwhile, with my evening freed up (the entire half hour it would've taken to pick them up and come back again) I am considering spending some more time in the hot tub.

Since the volleyball game on Thursday I am very sore. Over three years since the car accident, my back is still so screwed up. My arms are all bruised up from the ball but my back is what pains me the most. It's not right at all. Anyway - that's my griping for the night.

Oh - this is the grossest thing to me. OK, so I can tell puke stories or clean up kids poop or whatever (thanks to babysitting experience), but this was beyond that. I would rather watch a toddler puke than witness what I did today. Today I was having coffee with a friend at the local sbucks. While we're sitting at a table, approximately two feet away a man (who happens to be from our church) is waiting for his coffee. But while he stands waiting, he decides his fingernails need clipping. Really? Yes. So he takes out clippers and starts cutting his nails right there in the middle of the coffee shop. Seriously. It made me nauseas to hear the sound and know what he was doing. There's something about it that grosses me out so much. SICK. Who cuts their fingernails in public let-alone in the middle of a FOOD establishment! Un-freaking-believable. Really? You're going to cut your nails and let them fly all over a freaking restaurant? Really?

On that note...

Living Space

2008-01-05T21:29:00.001-07:00

Having a home again looks promising. Nothing is set in stone yet, but as of yesterday there's a couple willing to rent me the second bedroom in their apartment for a very reasonable rate. My own room!!! That has been a luxury in the past year and a half and now finally for the next five months it will be all mine. It's amazing coming from a three bedroom house (that I lived in alone) to thinking having my own bedroom is a luxury. What a change of perspective. This apt is a mere three miles from school which is a very achievable and realistic distance to bike every day. Also, it's right by all the main shopping (the mall, the theater, grocery stores, etc). Very exciting. Hopefully I'll be able to talk with them tomorrow and confirm everything.

That reduces my stress so much.

As I come to the end of my house sitting adventure, I'm working on using up all of the leftovers I've had in the fridge. So I had a tuna/pasta casserole (using up the tomato, cheese, last can of mushroom soup and the breadcrumbs and pasta were a bonus), and then with all the apples I was supposed to have eaten, I made applesauce which I will now eat for dessert. Beautiful.

Last night I played Risk for the first time. Well, sort of. I've played it on the computer (many years ago), but have never played on a real board. And when you play on the computer, it does everything for you, so you don't really have to pay too much attention to what's going on. Well, there were four of us, two were out. It was down to blue against yellow and I had nearly taken over the world when my dear friend Mike turned in a set of cards to receive 35 armies. At that point I had armies on every continent and owned two full continents. But, my poor armies were very depleted. I decided it would be better to retire knowing I owned half the world than to die and own nothing. And that was my first game of Risk. Fun!

Later.

Funny Thought

2008-01-03T23:42:00.001-07:00

"The secret of being a bore is to tell everything."
- Voltaire

Volleyball

2008-01-03T23:30:00.001-07:00

Tonight I went and played competitive volleyball at the church with some random people. It was fun, though I'm pretty out of practice so if we weren't winning, I was traded to the corner non-useful spots until we got up again. We were definitely playing to win, which was obvious by our team trouncing the other by five games to one. That's right, we won five games, and still they kept playing without complaining about switching up teams. It was fun though. My arms will be very bruised tomorrow, but I enjoyed myself and who knows, next time they might even let me play!

Home again with the crazy dog. It's tired out, I think I'll head to bed soon.

Nothing of note

2008-01-03T14:36:00.001-07:00

Nothing really has been going on here. Since my quiet New Years, I have been catching up on movies (all of the "Die Hard" collection) and reading (Daughter of Destiny: Kathryn Kuhlman) for homework. Yesterday the big adventure was running to the grocery store and dropping off a movie. Yipee-kai-ay. Oh, the hot tub is growing algae, so I'm supposed to empty and refill it. Of course that's after I figure out how to shut the stupid thing off. Which breaker actually controls the power? No one really knows for sure, but I'll find out eventually.

While I have found a place to live, I'm still stuck on the lease from my last place unless someone moves in asap. Unfortunately for me, that's not happening as quickly as I'd like it to. This is an experience I would have rather not had. Seriously - I just need a place to live and eat and sleep that's with people who are nice and will make an effort to work on relationships. Sadly, the house did not have that. Two months. What do I do for two months?

Later.

Quiet

2008-01-01T17:07:00.001-07:00

I went to a New Year's "Party" last night. It was supposed to be a relaxed evening with one of my adopt-a-families playing games and watching movies. But they recently moved and decided at the last minute that they didn't actually feel prepared for the evening's events. That's fine. Another one of the girls from school found out and invited us over to her house. It was a very eclectic gathering of people that did not lend itself to any easy conversation. Finally one of my good friends arrived (two hours later) and we played some games until finally midnight arrived and shortly after we were finally able to escape the awkwardness and go home.

Today has been slow. I finished my non-school reading and am now going to find myself a late lunch/early dinner and then work on homework for the evening. The rest of break will be spent working on catching up on homework, school reading and various other obligations. Procrastination needs to be finished now so I can return to school and hand everything in.

Bring on the caffeine, I'm working on research. *sigh*

The Kingdom (the movie)

2007-12-31T19:03:00.001-07:00

I just watched the movie "The Kingdom". Wow - it is so intense. And it's not the Kingdom that I want to be a part of. The end of the movie is the saddest thing ever. It made me want to cry. Is this really the legacy we want leave for our children? Do we really want to leave behind hatred, revenge, violence and murder? So sick.

Nutshell

2007-12-29T18:54:00.001-07:00

Good day.

I realize my updates have been infrequent at best. So here's my attempt at a most recent nutshell update. (Help, help... I'm in a nutshell!)

Life has been interesting and having just read my last letter, there's much to say. Since American Thanksgiving, I have gone to Indiana (the trip was very good) and then there's the whole Christmas thing. Along with that, I am looking for a place to live. What an adventure. The most difficult part about finding a place is trying to do it over Christmas break. Most of the students have gone home for the break and return sometime after New Year's. Fun times.

Last year, I thought life was a challenge and a lot of growth happened. It seems as though this year everything is stepped up and everything is more intense. It's hard to write about what I'm learning and how I'm changing in an email.

Oh - here's something cool. Last term I took a preaching class (never preached before in my life - thought it would be a good idea to take the class). We had to do a five to seven minute sermon on whatever we wanted. I was one of the last people to preach in the class (a week before I was scheduled because someone didn't show for class) and they told me I was the best speaker in the class. They also told me I appeared to be the most prepared - and best of all, everyone was impressed that I preached in stilettos! Haha! Anyway - it was pretty cool. I felt really nervous to speak only because I've never done it before, and it turned out amazing. You know - public speaking is a lot different than singing in front of people. Weird.

Anyway, spent Christmas here in California. I made more delicious apple pies to take to the houses I hung out at. It was interesting. Oh - and it has snowed the last two nights here. Boo. I need to move somewhere warmer! I'm currently house sitting and the hot tub has been very appreciated.

Later.

Tired

2007-12-12T22:26:00.001-07:00

Some days I am so very emotionally exhausted. Last year my roommates and I had up times and down times, but most of the memories were good ones. One of my closest friends came out of that experience. This year, I am so drained because from this perspective, there are mostly bad times here. Despite all the attempts at communication and the honesty that my roommates claim to want, this is not going very well. All that to say, I'm tired.

There is a possibility that I could be looking for a new place to live in the new year. I'm just not sure that this stress is really worth it. There's marriage preparation and then there's torture and I feel like I'm definitely in the torture stage right now. Ugh.

Other than that, today I did something very dumb. One of the girls in school was giving away a transferable plane ticket for a Christmas flight to anyone in our class who wanted to see family for Christmas. Because my flight would be international, I didn't even think of taking it. Until someone else took it to go to a wedding in January. Sadly I did not think that I could go spend Christmas with my aunt & uncle in Indiana. What is wrong with me? Silly. Oh well, first Christmas without any family has to happen sometime right? I guess so.

Our Christmas tree is set up in the house. We bought it for $12 in a thrift store, brand new, never opened tree - 6-1/2' tall nice one. Maybe I'll take a picture at some point.

Going to do homework now.

Later.

Courtesy of Ado

2007-12-09T23:30:00.001-07:00

This is so hilarious! Merry Christmas...

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1273501732

Preaching

2007-12-07T01:10:00.001-07:00

Today I preached the first sermon of my life. I wasn't scheduled to preach until next week, but wasn't aware of that so had some of my sermon together last night and this morning. It was pretty scary and I had to remind myself to breath frequently, but it was good. Throughout this class, I have been the hard-ass who has critiqued everyone very efficiently. Today the tables were turned. But I impressed myself as the only thing as far as vocabulary that they commented on was that I use "So" as a transition word too frequently - which I already knew. Wonderful. Besides that, there were a few things to work on, but overall I did absolutely incredible and everyone thought I had preached lots already. Yay for me! Oh - and the guy who is teaching the class told me that out of everyone so far, I had the best sermon and the best presentation - and that's also knowing that I wasn't supposed to preach until next week! I'm still going over everything in my head though - what I could have done better, what was good, I can't remember most of what I said. Crazy.

Besides that, life at the house is going smoothly again which is really great. I'm so glad for that. Tonight I went out to a home group and it was really fun. There were some good looking guys there too! Haha! Mostly it was just a good time to connect with some people in a smaller setting. Good stuff all around.

Well, I'm going to sleep now - it's late and I'm tired.

Later.

Resolution

2007-12-06T12:29:00.001-07:00

Lately there have been some roommate issues. It has been a challenge mainly because there has been little to no trust between us. Imagine all the people you live with and not trusting any of them. Bummer. Mostly my food goes missing - that is the issue that constantly brings the lack of trust to light. I returned from a trip to find a quarter of my ice cream gone, today I discovered three eggs missing. If they asked, it wouldn't be a huge deal (though knowing that all three of them work and I have no income... frustrating), but the problem is they don't ask. *sigh*

But this is about resolution. Two nights ago, the roommate that I have the most tension with came into my room to ask if we could talk. What will I say: "NO!" Haha! Yeah right. Of course I said yes and invited her in to join me. We proceeded to talk about our feelings and intimacy issues (the root of the trust problem). Apologies, forgiveness and and agreement to go slowly on this whole trust thing and to communicate immediately when something isn't right.

This means the tension in the house has been greatly reduced if not completely eradicated (with exception of my frustration at the kitchen being left a mess still). It is a much more pleasant atmosphere to reside in. Thank you God!

Later.

Really?

2007-11-27T11:03:00.001-07:00

This morning my roommate and I are in the kitchen, having just got out of bed, aimlessly wandering around thinking about food and tea/coffee. The other roommate stumbles out about ten minutes later and starts cleaning the living room (her mess from last night) and then moves on to the kitchen and her comment to us is, "We have homegroup tonight."

As though we're supposed to jump up and help her clean. As though this isn't the first time in two weeks she's cleaned anything. Whatever.

So the first roommate and I look at each other and continue on with what we're doing, completely ignoring the other roommate and her total craziness.

Seriously.

American Thanksgiving

2007-11-23T23:15:00.001-07:00

I would like to begin by clarifying that the comment at the end of the last update stating: 'As you can see, nothing too exciting really goes on here. It's just life...' was not a serious comment. Sometimes I forget that sarcasm is not easily transmitted without the tone of voice and facial expressions that normally accompany. All that to say - life was quite eventful for a while and now it's settled down a bit.

Moving forward, yesterday was American Thanksgiving. Being that Canadian Thanksgiving was spent at a smoothie party (which would be fine if it hadn't been Thanksgiving), I was looking forward to getting some type of turkey, stuffing and pie combination this time around. Thankfully I have adopt-a-families here who very generously offered to take me in for our "small family Thanksgiving" which ended up consisting of 22 people (I think). It was too many people for my personal preference, but still fun and happy and included too much food. Good times.

On Wednesday I had made pies for the event. My father taught me how to make my favorite apple pie (his) this past summer, so I put that to good use when I created four beautiful and delicious pies (one pictured below). Turns out we had so many pies for Thanksgiving that I brought one and a half of them home with me again. I didn't mind - I love my pies!

Besides all that goodness, life has been good. Still very stretching and growing, but good. Living with three other bold personalities is always an interesting challenge and I am definitely growing in people skills as I learn how to communicate with each of my roommates. At school I am a small group leader and because my co-leader left school, I lead our small group and I also coach each of the girls once a month (there are three other girls in my group). One of the best parts about that is how encouraging my girls are - they tell me often how glad they are that I am their leader and how much they love being coached by me. Definitely a good thing!

Our missions trips were announced last week and I have been accepted on the Australia team! I'm very excited about that, though it costs $3000 with the 10% deposit due this coming week. The travel we do throughout the year with the various pastors is included in our tuition (up to $700) but unfortunately the mission trip is not. I'm looking forward to the trip as it is led by Bill Johnson (the lead pastor of Bethel) and there are only 14 of us on this particular team.

Speaking of travel, next Thursday I fly to Valparaiso, Indiana with a team to minister at the church my aunt & uncle are now at! I'm very, very excited about being able to see some of my family. It will be a busy weekend as it's a conference and they always keep us hopping during those, but I know that it will be amazing to be with some of my family, short a time as it may be.

Since it's the day after American Thanksgiving, I'll sign off by wishing you a Merry Christmas! 'Tis the Season...

Later.

Self centered

2007-11-12T17:20:00.001-07:00

Some days are harder than others to deal with people who are self centered. I'm not saying that I don't get this way, of course there are times when I am extraordinarily self centered. But I think I have gotten better at being generous with my time and resources, better at giving of myself. I guess what I really wonder is where the line is. Where do I create boundaries and protect myself, and when do I just keep giving?

I think what makes it harder is that the people who I feel this the most from are the ones I live with. Terrible, I know. Some days it can be really frustrating though. Every time they come home they talk about themselves so much. If they do remember to ask how I am, they let me respond with a few sentences and then change the subject back to themselves. I care about them, and I am glad they are in my life, but I do not get much life from being with them. Scarily enough, if I go into some type of pastoring, this seems to be what it is like. Sucky.

Other than that, life is good. I'm supposed to be working on homework right now, but decided to write a quick blog instead. Fun times.

Later.

Pictures of my house

2007-11-08T13:14:00.001-07:00

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=68119&l=75e8b&id=897090112

Broccoli, chicken, healthy stuff...

2007-11-08T13:12:00.001-07:00

Last year it seemed I was better at updates. When I had access to a computer for ten minutes at a time it was a little more urgent to spill all my thoughts onto the page as quickly as I could. Now that I have all the time in the world it seems as though I am lost for words much more often. Essentially this will be a highlights reel:

So what has happened this last month. At the end of September I drove down to the Santa Rosa area with a couple of other girls to go to a friends wedding. On the way back, my friend hit a deer. Granted we were going quite slowly by that time (the deer had crossed, saw another car coming the opposite direction and turned around and ran in front of us - it was better that we braked). But it was an adventure none-the-less. After that incident she was a bit shaken up, so I drove us home through the mountains. Fun times.

On Canadian Thanksgiving I went to a smoothie party with my roommates at a friends house. Not exactly my favorite way to spend Thanksgiving, but it was definitely better than sitting at home doing nothing!

Oct 18th saw the new Chipotle restaurant open. It was a big deal here in Redding. Particularly since on their opening day they gave out free burritos all day long. It was a beautiful thing to go get a free lunch, and we had friends in the line so of course we cut the line. Met some Canadians while I was there. All in all - a decent experience.

I helped a friend throw a birthday party for one of my adopt-a-brothers a couple of weeks ago.

And then there was the backhoe incident. While one of my roommates and I were out running errands, a guy was working on the landscaping in the backyard. Apparently this backhoe does not have brakes and when it slipped out of gear on a hill, it did indeed smash through the window and part of the wall into the living room. I am still finding glass in the carpet and we have vacuumed numerous times.

Last Friday we had a lovely dinner party for my roommate Camille. Raspberry chicken, grilled asparagus, a waldorf-type salad, french bread, oh - and tempura for appetizer. After dinner we drove to another house where this lovely couple made us chocolate-lava cakes with homemade ice cream. It was quite the evening. Oh - and the theme was black & white & pink, so not only did we decorate in those colors, but everyone came dressed in those colors as well. It was very beautiful.

Then on Saturday Camille and I drove down to the Fresno area to see Rita Springer and David Ruis (musicians). That was definitely fun times! We stayed in a classmates house overnight and returned Sunday. A fun little six hour drive (each way).

Other than that, we have had a few conferences, which always messes up the school schedule. I rode my bike around a few times. Tonight I'm going to ride it to the grocery store because I need some food. School is going well in general, we've had some great guest speakers, just last week we had Kelly Clark (2002 Olympic Gold Medalist), snowboarder.

As you can see, nothing too exciting really goes on here. It's just life...

Later.

Exciting stuff happened while I was out

2007-10-29T15:12:00.000-06:00

My house before I left this morning:

My house when I returned this afternoon:

And yes, that's a giant hole in the wall... a backhoe ran into it.

Look-alikes

2007-10-11T22:13:00.000-06:00

Gravity

2007-10-07T10:49:00.001-06:00

These days it seems as though gravity will get me down. I'm hating where I live, my roommates are pretty much acquaintances and not friends and I have no transportation until Wed or Thurs. Pretty much I want to sit in a corner and scream.

I'm not really sure why I need to be friends with the people I live with. In my world I expect connections to be real with the people I'm forced to be with all the time. Then again I guess I'm not really with them all the time. Pretty much they all leave the house in the morning and only return to sleep. So, maybe I'm just frustrated. Ugh.

OK - well that's my "uplifting" post for the day! Ha!

One month down...

2007-10-05T21:22:00.001-06:00

Well, it's been a month now, and theoretically I should be all settled in, into a rhythm and pattern. But, this year just hasn't worked out like that so far. One of the biggest challenges has been having no transportation. This year I live 7 miles (about 12 km) from church and that's been an issue. My roommates are never here, so getting rides has really been difficult at times. I think I preferred posh-ghetto with rides to a nice house and no rides. But, tomorrow I'm going bike shopping and hopefully that will help a great deal, if not solve my issues. Of course I'll have to get a light on it for driving at night, but it will cut down on my workout schedule since I'll just ride my bike instead of running.

Speaking of working out - I have been working out for a month now. Yay for me - I jog most of 2.2 miles (3-1/2 km) and walk the rest. It's super hilly and I hate it, but I'm coming to a point in my life where I feel the need to be healthy and working out is good for me. Oh - and eating right. No desserts or specialty coffees for six days of the week. It stinks, but I know long term it will be worth it. If not... well... whatever.

School is going well so far. It's very busy - and we have a lot of responsibilities in second year. It's all about leadership and managing yourself. And it's crazy - all the first year students (520 of them) look up to us like we know something. Ha! So we answer their questions constantly, but it's all good. I remember how shell-shocked I felt when I first got here last year and I hope that I can ease the shock at least a little for some of them.

Other than that... I went traveling with a team last week to a place on the coast. It was good. Lots of work because we put on a conference, so we were helping out in about fifty-million little things that needed to be done. And of course because of my stellar-administrative abilities I was helping with registration and stuff. Fun times.

I think that's about it for now. So... yeah...

Later.

This is a picture of me... yesterday.

2007-10-03T22:30:00.001-06:00

Weeks 2 & 3

2007-10-01T00:19:00.001-06:00

OK - here's two and three finally. Give me a break - I've been busy. (It's not like you've been writing a blog cfm. Thhpppt)

So - week two of school, pretty much it's been intense since it started. The first year class started on our second week, so as well as doing our own thing, I also helped with registration, we were in worship together the first day and the energy was high for the week. Though there was also the challenge of feeling the nervousness of an additional 500 people in school. That's definitely a bit of a strange feeling. But I knew how they felt and did my best to put on a pleasant smile for everyone I passed in the hall or at registration. Wow.

We also had our second year retreat that week on the Thursday out at Whiskey Town Lake. Fun times... I got to go wakeboarding, tubing, hung out with lots of different people, watched some of my friends jump off this crazy rope swing and generally had a good time. From there we went back to the church and had a bbq and marshmallow roast down on the ball field. Oh - and we also played the grape toss in the dark, apparently I can catch grapes in my mouth when people throw them at me. Though I'm not sure what that says about me... haha!

Friday was a short day for me and about 30 other students. After the first bit of school, we drove up to JH Ranch (a three hour drive) to help them winterize for the year. Last year we had our school retreat out there and a bunch of students stayed back to help winterize (they have a full-time staff of about 10 people so it's impossible for them to do it by themselves). Anyway - because there are over 700 students this year, we couldn't do the retreat, but sent people just to do the work. It was actually pretty fun. I got to connect with more students and meet more of the first year students too. That was pretty great. The food was delicious - I got some red meat into me, which I love so much. Give me a steak and I'm happy. After all the work was done (which took us about a day, plus another 3 hours the second day) we got to hang out on the property and take advantage of the swimming area, tennis courts, games room, whatever we wanted. So fun.

We arrived home very tired Sunday night. Monday was a day of laundry, homework, running to the library, and generally a get things done sort of day. That's because Tuesday morning at 10am I was on my way to Fortuna, CA (about a 3 hour drive) for a week long conference. Now that I'm in second year, we get to travel with the staff of Bethel. It's totally great, and I love it. We did all sorts of ministry during the conference. I started out by helping with registration, prayed for people, prophesied over people, we did prophetic booths, and were generally available to the staff to assist and help. It's fun times. That was for four days and by the end of it I was totally exhausted and ready to crash for the weekend. But, first...

After arriving home at 4am on Saturday morning, I slept for a little less than five hours, got up and got ready and left for a wedding in Santa Rosa (a four hour drive). My former-roommate drove and it was long. I slept for part of the drive, but still wasn't very comfortable in a car sleeping, so what do you do? Oh - and the car we were driving, pretty much was trying to commit suicide the whole way. It started to make bad sounds and so we got the parents van at the half way point and then got the other girls car at the wedding. (Long story) The wedding was beautiful (my friends sisters wedding) and I got to see my other former roommate (and sort-of family) Hope. Yay! Because I got to see her and Seth... it pretty much made the trip worth it. Especially since we left right after the dinner part of the reception for the four hour drive home again. Oh - and here's the fun part - we hit a deer. I wasn't driving, one of the other girls was, and the deer jumped out, she hit the brakes and we thought we were going to be ok until the deer saw the other car (coming towards us) and freaked out and turned around right in front of us again. We were probably only going 15 miles/hour by that point, but it was still enough force to flip the deer over three times at which point he crashed onto the road, slid into the ditch, and scrambled up. Shortly after that, I took over driving and worked on staying alert the whole way home. Fun times.

So - I got home at a little past midnight last night, went to church this morning and goodness, I just wanted to crash but have forced myself to stay up until a reasonable time to go to sleep. Of course, then I started this update, which has taken me longer than expected (thanks a lot mom - I blame you... harassing me) and other than that... whatever. I'm going to bed now.

Later.

Week one

2007-09-16T21:54:00.001-06:00

So, one week of school is down. How many to go? My goodness, this week was intense. Of course we started right in on Tuesday and started working on the whole brain exploding aspect of the revelation offered. Wow - I thought last year was a lot, but it seems that this year is exponentially more challenging. There is a ton required of us. Plus I'm a small group leader which means I'll be coaching other girls in my class this year.

On top of all that, the roommates are all starting to get used to each other. That's a huge challenge on its own. I have no car, my roommates all have different social circles and in this small town, apparently a 10 minute drive is a lot.

It's been interesting, challenging and frustrating so far. I'm really looking forward to when there's a rhythm and pattern and life is more "normal."

Day 1 of school

2007-09-11T22:45:00.001-06:00

So today school started officially. Now I am a second year student and there are huge responsibilities on us. I'm not sure that I'm ready for this at all. But, I signed up, my tuition's paid for - so here we go!

It was definitely a busy start, registration was a breeze because the lineup for international students who have already paid was very short... in fact when I got there at 11am, I was the only person in the line! And apparently getting a B-1 multi-entry visa is a big deal (OK - I know it is a big deal). But this year especially since lots of international students are having lots of trouble getting in. So that's good for me - sad for them though.

Other than that, both Pastor Bill & Pastor Kris spoke today. We met all our leadership team, went over a couple things, but mostly it was just Bill & Kris talking. Which was good - but in some ways a bit much to start off with. Oh - and we had no break today. Ugh - that was probably the hardest part. My bum was so sore by the end of the day, I took every chance I could to stand up and stretch.

Ummm... signed my lease today. Told my landlord a sad story. Walked two miles in 33 minutes. And that's about it.

Good day eh.

Libraries

2007-09-08T17:50:00.001-06:00

Wow... I never knew libraries could be so fantastic! And so popular. Today was my first experience with the Redding library. There were a ton of people there. They have real DVD's like Little Miss Sunshine and Lord of the Rings and it was free and great. So instead of renting videos from the store, I'm just gonna get stuff from the library! So fantastic. I'm in love with the library. Plus I can go online and put stuff on hold and renew my books and dvd's and cd's. So great.

I still need a dresser and a bed. That's a sad story. The closet is small and there's no bathroom storage space, so a dresser or some type of shelf is desperately needed. But other than that, I'm feeling pretty settled in so far.

Last night Bobby Connor spoke at church. He is amazing. I love hearing him talk, I think I could listen to him all day long. Hopefully we'll get to sometime in school this year.

Ciao

New

2007-09-07T18:52:00.001-06:00

Getting to know new people is always an adventure. For example, my landlord, who is currently still working full time out of this house because he has internet & his business phone set up here. Definitely made the past couple of days interesting. I don't really know what to think. I'm pretty sure I've given a bit of a false impression of myself so far. I got in, he's here, my other roommate is here, and they have a good friendship going already. So what do I do? I go all sarcastic. Funny sarcastic mind you, but still sarcastic. It's my way of protecting myself before getting to know people. Which is why I think can give a false impression to people meeting me for the first time. So besides being totally shallow and just goofing off... well... I don't know.

Oh - and don't forget to add the fact that I'm still tired from traveling and moving and not sleeping the night before I flew out here and that just makes me that much edgier. So very special. I wish I could just be sweet and nice instead of putting up the insta-wall.

*sigh*

Goodbye Summer

2007-09-06T13:13:00.001-06:00

After a long summer break from blogging, I return. On my own computer finally! A combined Christmas and Graduation present in advance from my lovely parents. That's the most exciting part of this trip... wait, no it isn't. The best part is that I'm back in California! Woot!

This summer was spend working as a delivery girl on the south-side of e-town. It paid some of the bills and put a small dent in my school expenses. Definitely a good thing. The job was pretty special, there were some challenging people to work with, and some great people to work with, oh and some pretty creepy mechanics to deliver to. Between everyone, I'm glad I made it to the other side in one piece! It was a decent job though, and mostly good.

My homework for school is not even close to being done. I still have about two thirds of my book to read and I never even looked at the other assignments. But, besides the super cheap plane ticket ($515 round trip direct into Redding, one-stop) the other advantage of coming a few days early is that I can get my homework done. Yay for me!

It's deftinitely a bit strange to be back. I'm in a different house, with different girls and have to learn and look at everything differently again. Fun times. But, I know it will be good. Good learning, good stretching, good challenging...

Anyway... that's the good old adios to summer and welcome back to the fall (which strangely enough, still feels like summer here). Welcome to Redding, welcome.

Wondering

2007-07-10T16:49:00.001-06:00

So my question of the week:

Why do men say "I'm just not ready for a relationship yet" when what they really mean is "I'm not interested in you." That's what you find out in a month anyway after they start dating someone else.

Dumb-asses.

Come & Gone

2007-06-27T23:02:00.001-06:00

My birthday has come and gone. Another year passed by and each day is a smaller percentage of my life. I have at least two more of my lifetime to live out and I still don't know what I want to do when I "grow up." But, I do know that I'll be influencing people wherever I go. In fact just tonight I was at someones house that I met on Sunday so we could talk about life, my school experience, what I learned, where I'm going. It's very strange to be in this position. Strange to have something to offer when I never before thought I did.

Super-short today... it's late.

Oh - the discovery for my car-accident was today. Lots and lots of questions. Boo. But, I did well and was confident in my answers. If I couldn't remember, I wasn't afraid to say "I don't recall" which is a good thing. So hopefully that beast will get settled sometime in the near future. I'm so tired of this thing hanging on like a floater in the ocean.

On that note...

Later.

Parks and other stuff

2007-06-24T00:21:00.001-06:00

Delivering parts has been interesting so far. Dynamics are always a learning curve, and trying to... fit in? In some ways, yes. In other ways, it doesn't matter if I fit or not. But I do want to influence people. I want my life to be a message of God, honestly - whether it's conversation, or just how I react to bad customers. Speaking of customers, one asked me out on Friday. That was awkward. He's a nice guy, I'm sure. But I've been delivering for two weeks, I don't know this guy outside of the typical two-minute banter while I'm waiting for him to sign for his parts. He was so flustered, I felt bad for him. I tried to be as gentle as possible, I really was busy all weekend. I'm sure it won't be the last time for something like that to happen.

In between deliveries at work, if I'm done early, I can do whatever I want as long as I'm back in time to load up for my next scheduled delivery. At first it was nice being able to wander around the mall for 45 minutes, or run an errand. But after a week, even that got old. Then I discovered this "park" across the street from work. It's really a small patch of grass and a parking lot in the middle of this massive industrial area. So to call it a park is a bit of a stretch. But it's a nice little patch of grass to go chill out in. When I first discovered it, I thought it wasn't very busy. I soon found out that many drivers (it appears mostly other delivery drivers from other companies) frequent this park. I feel some sort of strange camaraderie with these people, that we go sit in a pseudo-park and nap or read or stare into nothingness. I like it.

Well... I guess that's all for now.

Later.

Life

2007-06-18T22:38:00.001-06:00

Time goes on, it never stops. And so much seems to happen. Sometimes fast, sometimes slowly, but no matter what it keeps going.

While I've been gone, so much has happened in me. My life has been flipped upside down and inside out. In the best possible ways. I'm stronger, more confident, more sure of who I am. It's like everything I thought I was has been taken away to reveal who I really am. And I like it. It's really good.

But meanwhile, so many people here are going through hard times. I have friends who are being challenged in so many ways and I want to be there for them. I want to do everything possible to help them through this... time... But it's not mine, they're not mine. In a lot of ways, it seems the best thing to do is to pray. To give encouragement when I can, to offer hope and peace if they'll let me. But mostly to pray.

And, in a few weeks, months, or even years... this will all be a faded memory, if that. Perhaps a note in a journal somewhere. A brief moment of time, captured and forgotten again.

Melancholy... I know.

Settling In

2007-06-11T23:10:00.001-06:00

Today I started my new job. I'm a delivery girl for an auto parts company. That means, all day I drive in a circle, again and again and again... the same circle seven times a day. Mostly the same customers, ordering over and over and over again. Today one of my customers ordered for every single run. Apparently that's not normal... I guess I'll find out tomorrow. I also applied at the 'bucks tonight. So perhaps I'll have two jobs soon. Hopefully that will put a huge dent in being able to go to second year.

Second year... it's strange to think of in some ways. Living this life some days makes me wonder if the last nine months actually happened. Switching entire lifestyles like this makes everything seem surreal at times. Settling in here means... well... I'm not sure what it means. I'm looking forward to second year though. There's a chance I'll be driving five hours south next month. One of the pastors is coming to Canada, so I'd like to go down and help out with the conference they'll be doing.

Well... short as usual. I'm going to try to get back into this though. It's been a while and I find it's very therapeutic to write stuff out. Maybe I should crack my journal open again too. *sigh* So much to do this summer, to catch up on and make sure I get finished. Only a few weeks to get it done in.

Later.

Home and not sure if I'm loving it...

2007-06-10T19:54:00.001-06:00

Well, I've been home now for two full weeks. It's been good but it's also been strange. Tomorrow I start my new job, delivering parts for the summer until the fall when I return to Redding for second year. Never thought that would happen.

Part of the hard part of being home is knowing what I can and can't say. Some people don't understand what's happened to me, and it makes a lot of people nervous.

Today I had someone ask me a question about school and church, but instead of listening to my answer, they then proceeded to tell me what made them concerned about what they've heard. *sigh* I don't know what I'm supposed to say. How do I explain that I didn't go to a nuthouse? What I learned is not crazy, though not everyone believes me. Really I suppose it's not my job to convince, just to live my life. Hopefully the way I live my life will display the change I've gone through. Because words are most certainly not convincing anyone.

Anyway - that's my frustration for right this minute. I don't know exactly how to express it, but it's there.

Later.

The Video

2007-05-28T12:10:00.001-06:00

So... this is the video of me skydiving... I look completely goofy - but whatever. I jumped out of a plane! Woo!

RealXstream - Skydance Skydiving

Skydiving is Sweet!!!

2007-05-26T21:55:00.001-06:00

I jumped out of a plane today! It was pretty nuts, and it's a good thing that first fall is tandem. It was so crazy, but I felt pretty calm, right up until we actually left the plane. I may have screamed a little at that point - the dvd will tell when it gets mailed to me.

Anyway - that was totally rockin' and I would love to do it again. Totally addicting!

I highly recommend skydiving to anyone.

Birthday Dinner

2007-05-25T17:06:00.001-06:00

Tonight - actually in about an hour, I'll be going out with my adopt-a-families to Outback Steakhouse. Because I'll be gone for my birthday, we are having an early dinner to celebrate! That and I miss good steak. I miss steak night at home.

So - that's all that's going on. I finally have two of my suitcases down to 50lbs each (leaving a lot behind) and my third is an extra suitcase and it's over and I can't do anything about it. Boo hiss.

Almost home...

--
"I cannot afford to have any thought about myself that God doesn't have about me"

Graduation

2007-05-20T13:58:00.001-06:00

Tonight is graduation. I guess I should be excited about it - as this has been one of the hardest years of my life as far as personal growth goes, but also the best. It's an accomplishment to have finished school.

But I'm also packing everything, trying to figure out what to do with stuff, cleaning the apartment, etc. We all move out tomorrow and I'll be the only roommate to stay in Redding for the next week. Everyone else will have already driven away but me. I'll stay at one of my adopt-a-families homes for the week until I fly out next Sunday night. In some ways it would be nice to be going home within the next couple of days, but I didn't know that when I booked the ticket nearly ten months ago. Plus then I wouldn't be going skydiving next Saturday, which I'm totally excited about!

Mixed emotions --- excited about home, sad to leave, wondering how I'll make enough cashola to get back for second year (yes - I'm coming back for second year now), sad that I'll never be with the same friends again... the list goes on.

Well... short post for now - but better than the nothing it has been for so long.

Later.
--
"I cannot afford to have any thought about myself that God doesn't have about me"

Coming Home Soon

2007-05-02T12:02:00.000-06:00

One of my friends Greg generated this sign for me. I thought the $45 charge for "Spirit Slayings" was a nice touch. Ha!

Almost Home

2007-04-25T12:37:00.001-06:00

It's hard to believe there are only three and a half weeks left of school. Four and a half weeks until skydiving, and five and a half weeks until I drive back to cow-town with a friend from school. I've been accepted already into second year and plan to work my tail off this summer in order to do my best to come back.

Which reminds me... if anyone is looking to hire someone, or knows of someone hiring from about the second week of June until the end of August, let me know. I'll do physical labor, or desk work, or temp work... whatever.

I've grown a lot in confidence and knowing who I am, and I have an idea of where I'm going. Though I'm still not sure how I'm going to get there, at least I have a goal. I've personally seen miracles, deaf ears opened, shoulders put back into place, headaches leave, arthritis healed...

This year I wouldn't trade for anything, despite the challenges with roommates, not having a car, and living a little more frugally than I've been used to the last few years.

There are a lot of stories, and hopefully I'll have a chance to tell some of my stories in person, though it can be difficult to put some of them into words. It seems too much to put into words sometimes.

End of the year, not sure what to tell you anymore. I'm glad to be coming back for the summer and back at my own church. As much as I love Bethel, I definitely miss home. There's just nothing like home. Even though my tan is getting really nice already!

Anyway - that's all for now... I'll see everyone (most everyone) in just a few weeks.

Later.

Countdown

2007-04-20T13:05:00.001-06:00

The countdown begins. The big push at school right now is to make sure that we don't all go home and forget everything we've learned. So they're telling us all the time how to keep the passion we got here and how to live in the "real world." Fun times.

It's really quite crazy how fast this whole year has gone by. I'm totally surprised that it's flown by and I'm almost home.

Oh - I'm going skydiving! May 26th. That is absolutely crazy and I can't believe I'm going, but it's a graduation present (probably) so that will be fun.

I haven't had more than five minutes at a time on a computer and I don't have more than that now. So I'm off again. But all is well, I'm almost home and life is just going on... one day at a time.

Later.

The Last Drop

2007-04-18T13:02:00.001-06:00

The Last Drop

"The Last Drop" was a lame movie. We started it on Sunday afternoon but didn't even finish it. Hannah rented it for an action movie because it looked interesting, but it definitely wasn't. Billy Zane was in it and did you know that he couldn't act to save his life? He was supposed to be Canadian and so they threw in a few "eh"s for him to say - which were horrible and forced and I didn't think you could butcher a simple little word that much, but he did. Worst line of the movie... "Heil Hitler, eh" by Billy Zane. Continuing on my rant, the best movie he ever did was Zoolander and that's because he played himself and it was the first script that actually called for that.

Anyway, four and a half weeks left of first year. I had my interview for second year Sunday morning which went so well that they already sent me my acceptance letter. Working on a Sunday, bonus for me to get my letter so quickly. So now I get to figure out how that's going to happen. I really want to go to second year and they definitely want me back here, so somehow I'm looking forward to everything working out - especially financially. For next year there are two things that I want, my car and a bedroom to myself. I don't care if two people share the other bedroom in an apartment, or I live with a family or something, just as long as I have a small 10 x 10 box (ish) that is just my own personal space. Back to the point, it's crazy to think this year has already passed by... the beginning of the year seemed like life would go so slowly and now I'm almost home. Totally weird.

**Random: Hi Balie - haven't heard from you in a long time **End Random

So... life goes on, one day at a time. I'm still learning, trying to squeeze the last bit of everything I can out of first year here at Bethel. Other than that, trying to figure out how to get all my stuff home - will probably drive to Cow-town with one of my friends from here. Will delay the arrival in E-town, but will get all my stuff home.

Later.

Easter

2007-04-08T21:45:00.001-06:00

Easter weekend, which is how I got spring break. So the week has been good. We're finishing off - leaving tomorrow morning at 10am to get back into Redding at a reasonable time.

Dinner today was absolutely amazing. turkey, stovetop stuffing (just for me), lamb, asparagus, mashed potatoes, and an amazing salad to which I'm writing the ingredients just because I want to remember:

Lettuce - who really cares what kind
sugared almonds
apples
mandarin oranges
cranberries
feta cheese
champagne pear vinaigrette

Delicious. And then angel food cake with fresh strawberries and whipping cream. So wonderful.

Yesterday Lynda & John gave each of us an Easter present and they gave me a really pretty journal. I have more journals than I can use, but I still love them and am always looking for new nice ones. So - it was really a perfect present for me. I love it.

Later.

Interesting

2007-04-08T01:17:00.000-06:00

Some days I think I should have gone into some type of psychology class just because people fascinate me so much. They also annoy me, and that's where the problem comes in. But that's a whole other blog than the one I intended to write.

The part that fascinates... I had a conversation with someone regarding another relationship. She told me that it's hard to watch and she had hoped things would be different and all that jazz. Confiding in me really. Well, she told the girl who's dating her son an entirely different story... how glad she is that they compliment each other and she's such a keeper and all that jazz. So then the girl tells me what the mom said, and I factor in my previous conversation and I just don't know what the real deal is. I expect she means both, but would never tell the girl what her real feelings about the situation are. Cryptic, I know. Sorry about that.

My emotions have been so ridiculous lately, like a freaking roller coaster - and I'm never really emotional - which makes this all the worse. Half the time I don't know what to do with myself and just want to say to me - "get over it", though in my experience, that phrase has done nothing but wreck me more as any emotion I was feeling gets stuffed and I have to deal with it at some later time when I'm not expecting it.

I should probably go off to bed now, it's a little late and I have to get up early for church in the morning. I'm at this church I've only ever been to last week and I'm playing piano and doing a special tomorrow. Their church is maybe 25 people - a large homegroup really. So - it should be interesting.

Later.

Vacation almost over...

2007-04-06T23:58:00.000-06:00

Boo hiss... I could use another week of this relaxation.

But Monday, we'll be going back to Redding and I'll be saying goodbye to the aunt & uncle. That's a sad story that makes me want to cry.

Spring Break

2007-04-03T14:02:00.001-06:00

After a long drive over three mountains, through the Napa Valley, we (Seth, Hope & I) arrived in Windsor, near Santa Rosa. Spring break will be spent with Seth's family which is really fantastic. They are absolutely incredible and sweet and caring. Definitely relaxing to get out of Redding and just away from life for a week. It's been tough getting back into the swing of things after South Africa. I'm really just starting to catch up on my sleep now. Never having been jet-lagged before, I didn't have any idea how much it would actually screw up my body! Wow - it's definitely been a process.

At school I was behind seven assignments after mission week, but feeling slightly lost and completely unsocial, I quickly caught up on my homework and only have to finish reading "God's Generals" now.

Getting out of the habit of blogging makes it a challenge to get back into it. Thinking about things to say is so much easier when you're constantly updating, but I have been using my brain less frequently it seems in regards to collecting my stories for this beast.

Alright - so yesterday we drove to the coast and walked along the ocean, and in it almost up to my knees, freezing cold!!! Oh my goodness. Fun though, we ate Sptiz, and flew a stunt kite before driving to a small place in the bay for fresh fish & chips (Leah's treat - so nice of Seth's sister). Post lunch we drove a little ways north to go to Richardson's Grove, to see the Redwood trees. They weren't the biggests ones, the oldest was only 1400 years old, but they were still pretty huge. It's amazing how tall those trees get.

I'm starting to think about this summer... I definitely want to come back for second year - oddly enough. But that means I need to find a place to live and a really good job to at least pay for part of next year. I have no idea how I'm going to make enough money, but I suppose if I'm supposed to come, somehow there will be a way. Ugh... money - the bane of my existence.

Hope says hi. Seth says "Hi too, not that anyone knows me". These are my two closest friends in Redding who are dating each other as of two weeks ago.

There's a piano here. It's fantastic to be able to sit down and play again. I have been missing my piano so very much and finally I get to play!!! Sweet! Music is great and makes me happy.

On that note...

Later.

South Africa - where my heart is

2007-03-28T15:28:00.000-06:00

I'm going to try to make this short and still include everything important - mostly just highlights.

Twenty-one of us drove from Redding down to San Fransisco to catch our flight to London and on to Johannesburg, South Africa. After 48 hours of straight travel (my first flight overseas) we finally arrived in Jo-burg and drove to our lodge in Pretoria. It was nice to be able to stretch our legs for more than five minutes. We got there Sunday morning at 6am and spent the day trying to get oriented and trying not to sleep. Our second day there was essentially spent doing last minute preparations for everything we were doing for the week, drama, art, children's ministry. It was good.

Tuesday we toured Pretoria and were able to find out some of the history of the country and the people there. It was definitely fascinating and educational. That afternoon we went to church square and did face-painting, prophetic (encouraging words), jump-rope and balloon animals for the kids. I was surprised at how many adults were interested in what we were doing - especially when they found it to be free, and that we were encouraging them. So that's the beginning of the week.

From here on out we did a ton of ministry - seemingly non-stop. Our aim was to encourage everyone we met, bless them in any way we could and pray for healing for any who would let us. We actually saw a ton of healings. I saw a boy's leg grow out at least three inches, a deaf/mute boy was completely healed, lots of feet, legs, heads, backs etc healed. Churches were changed. It was really quite an amazing trip. Everywhere we went, people were changed and we were able to work with people. It was a humanitarian trip - with Jesus.

There's more I could share, there are lots of stories. It was an absolutely amazing trip and I hope to return to South Africa someday in my future. If I return for second year I will likely go on that trip again.

You can email me questions or anything, I would love to hear from you and find out what's going on with you.

Later,
Christan

I'm back in the good ol' US of A

2007-03-22T13:23:00.001-06:00

So... I made it back, arrived last night. The trip was absolutely incredible. Getting back into the USA was a little stressful - apparently they needed someone to go through a few security checks and they picked me... ugh.

I have so much to say, but I'm still processing and will send a real update soon and hopefully some pictures.

Later.

South Africa

2007-03-15T13:48:00.001-06:00

If I had more than 10 minutes on the computer - I'm sure this would turn out to be a better update.

I'm in South Africa!!! Wow! I can't believe I'm finally here.

So far we have done prison ministry, street ministry, given roses to prostitutes, taught in a local Christian school, prayed for and witnessed probably close to 50 healings, prayed for a dead man to be raised and are now ministering in a local church. Life has been totally crazy and so good.

We arrived safe & sound after nearly 40 hours of travel on Sunday morning SA time. We were completely exhausted and I'm definitely not looking forward to the travel time back - but it sure gets you knowing your team well - and quickly. With the exception of the first day, we've been on the go non-stop. Up between 4:30-6:30am every morning and falling into bed at 10pm.

I love it here and I know I'm going to come back someday.

Catch you later.

Leaving on a jet plane

2007-03-08T13:07:00.000-07:00

At least it's not the little turbo-prop plane again. My team will be flying for a very long time, and it's a good thing I have a large bottle of motion-sickness pills! I'll be needing those! It's a little weird, I just got "home" and I'm flying away again - though it will be nice to travel with someone because alone gets a little tiring at times.

This whole last month has been intense. Lots of emotions with Grandma going home-home. Relationships changing, evolving (no news yet), conference at church, being sick (the never-ending cold it seems) traveling, it's just a lot to fit into just a few short weeks. So I'm pretty tired now, but I know Africa will be so worth it and so amazing. I'm really looking forward to it despite my tiredness. Since we leave at 9:30am tomorrow, I'll go home and pack tonight (after I finish my laundry). Fun times, I just unpacked!

It seems like there really isn't much else to write about. I have a lot of homework to catch up on and am looking for time to do it all in. Unfortunately - there doesn't seem to be any time. Boo-hiss. Thankfully my leader is really understanding and there's grace until I do it. How sad is this... resorting to discussing homework to the world. That totally deserves another boo-hiss.

OK - so I'll sign off. Pray for my trip - safe travels, that everything will go well and we'll be able to meet who we need to - bless the orphans and all that jazz. It'll be grande.

Later.

Quick Note

2007-03-06T13:25:00.000-07:00

Hi!

Well, I'm back in Redding after a whirlwind trip back to e-town for my Grandma's memorial (celebration of life). It went really well and I was whisked from one family event to another the whole time. The memorial went really well and I was so glad for the chance to be able to sing for it and play for everyone. All those years of Grandma driving me to piano and voice lessons really paid off.

It's good to be back and though I don't quite feel ready, I'm leaving for South Africa on Friday... oh my goodness!!! We'll be doing a conference at a local church where all of us will have a chance to speak at one time or another throughout the event. We'll also be working with some local orphanages and helping out. Finally we'll have a chance to go into a local prison and talk and minister to the people there. It's going to be another trip that goes so fast and then it will only be two months until school is done! Wow - this year has really gone so much faster than I ever thought it would.

So - I'm doing really well, I'm so glad that I'm here. I'm exhausted and sick of airplanes, but so glad that I didn't have to drive to Canada. I have a lot of homework to catch up on from missing school last week, but that's alright - I'll get it done.

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and if I don't hear from you before I leave for Africa - I'll talk to you soon I hope!

Later,

Christan

More Travel

2007-02-26T14:10:00.000-07:00

Today I fly back to e-town for the week. Unfortunately I'll miss Bob Jones at school tomorrow, and then the intercessors from church are praying for our South Africa team on Wednesday. But, I'll be home for Grandma's funeral - which is still totally strange and surreal. I'll be doing worship with my uncle as well as playing on of Grandma's favorite songs. I guess that's the benefit of being her favorite and being the musical one. I get to do the music.

Traveling sucks, so I've got my anti-nauseants and a carry-on full of books to try to read on the plane. As long as I don't get stuck in the very back of the plane I'll be happy.

Last night was a great night with two of my best friends here, Seth & Hope. We hung out yesterday afternoon - watched a movie and then went to Olive Garden for some appetizers/supper. They are such great friends and I am so blessed to have them in my life. Especially this past week with everything happening and having a migraine for two days plus being sick with a cold still, plus all of us going crazy volunteering lots at the conference. It's been really busy, but they've been so good at taking care of me when I've needed them. Thank God for adopt-a-families 'cause I don't know what I'd do without them.

I think that's it for now. I have to go fold my clothes and pack my suitcase after making a quick stop at Walmart to exchange my busted air mattress, which I still have not done. Don't worry, I haven't been sleeping on the floor, my adopt-a-family lent me their air mattress until I get mine or until they buy me a real mattress, which is in the plan. We'll see what happens.

Later.

Goodbye

2007-02-21T14:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday and today have been rough. At around eight yesterday morning I heard the phone ringing out in the living room. Went to get it and it was my mom. I said goodbye to my Grandma. It's a pretty strange thing to do, although I know that I'll see her again in Heaven.

Mom called me this morning to let me know that Grandma went home last night around 10pm. It's really sad, and really happy at the same time. She's doing so well now I'm sure, but I miss her already. I was her favorite. So I'll be singing and playing at the funeral next week.

She really loved me. For years she took me to piano lessons every week because she believed in me. When she was still well she would make playdough and I spent hours and hours at her house when she was still living on the farm. Even when she was sick, she helped me pay for my plane ticket out here for school. Grandma always believed in me. I love her.

Later.

Finally

2007-02-14T13:32:00.001-07:00

Finally got a chance to get online for more than two minutes.

Latest news... yesterday morning I woke up with a leak in my air mattress. So, halfway to the ground, I awoke very uncomfortably. I know where the leak is, but it's a manufacturing issue and not a puncture so I'll try to exchange it. No use wasting a patch on a defect. The lovely HB let me sleep with her last night so I wouldn't be stuck on the floor or couch. And I'll probably do the same again tonight since I'm not sure when I'll actually be able to make it to Walmart.

Outreach has been going really well, there are quite a few people in our trailer park who have gotten saved and are starting to come to church and stuff. It's really quite amazing. Last week two of the ladies were actually jumping up and down in excitement to see us come visit. And the twins (three years old) were hanging on to me and didn't want to see me leave to the point where they were actually screaming... it was pretty heartbreaking actually.

Oh, happy Singles Awareness Day (S.A.D.), it's another year gone by. Maybe by next year...

The sun is out, the palm trees nice and full, though the rest of the trees have no leaves. It's still weird to me to have "winter" still wearing short-sleeved shirts and capri pants.

Life goes on... one day at a time... amazing how fast this is all going by. Before I even know it, I'll be back in Canada. Strange.

Sunday

2007-02-04T13:58:00.001-07:00

That's today. Sunday. Nothing goes on on Sundays except for church. We get home between 10:30am and 11am and have an early lunch. Then we sit around and do nothing all day (that's right, not even homework) and then have an early dinner before church in the evening. This weekend, Todd Bentley from Canada is speaking this weekend at the youth conference as well as at church, he was also at school on Thursday and Friday. Woohoo! He's so fantastic. When I'm done with school, if it's possible, I would love to intern with his ministry 'cause let me tell you, he definitely has it going on.

Actually, he reminds me a bit of my friend Tyler (now married to Krysta)... yep, it's true.

Anyway, HB has returned home finally. After being gone for a month and a half, she got in last night and the apartment is changed once again. It's good, life will be "normal" for the last 3-1/2 months of school. Tomorrow I need to finish up my homework for the week. Since Christmas, they added about 4 hours of homework per week. I know, I know... it's really not that much... especially compared with "real" school, it just means I have to stay caught up. We're doing "Kingdom Keys" (essentially the foundations of faith) as well as "How to Read the Bible for All Its Worth" on top of our daily Bible reading and questions. It's good stuff. I actually enjoy most of it.

A few weeks ago I purchased a sketchbook and some nice pencil crayons. I keep waiting for inspiration to hit so I can create a masterpiece... forgetting that art takes practice. I haven't practiced in so long. I really just need to open up the book and start drawing.

Nothing too exciting going on here... my watch is getting really loose on my wrist. I've been noticing that lately. I'm between links and it's a little annoying.

Oh, and I only need another $650 USD for missions, out of $2500 USD, that's pretty great! Yay!

One more thing... this morning I was on the prayer line (praying for people) and one of the ladies was healed of asthma and her eyes were healed from blurriness and cataracts and dryness and another lady had her foot healed from an injury. Pretty sweet! This is what I payed to learn.

January

2007-01-25T13:26:00.001-07:00

January here is great. On Monday two friends and I went hiking at a nearby park area, Whiskeytown Lake. It was so much fun to be outside in capri pants and a hoodie without being cold at all. We went for about a five mile hike, there and back and though we didn't make it to the waterfalls, (we didn't realize we could park closer to them and hike less) it was a blast! We stopped and had a picnic lunch on the rocks and tossed grapes at each other. Saw some ice, and when I remember to bring my cord and the computer at the same time, I'll post some of the pictures. We were hiking along a creek and it was so pretty.

School is good, the break on Monday to hike was definitely a good thing. It was good to get out and get some fresh air. Back in the real world, school is going well. Pastor Kris always asks us... "So, what are you guys learning?" and we have a little answer time. So... I'll tell you what I'm learning. I'm learning that God is passionate, that it's not just about commitment. He created all this to display his glory. He wants to talk to us more than we even want to talk with Him. He will do so much to spend time with us. He cares more than I can understand, and all I need to do is listen. He created sunsets and forests and oceans and us, how can He not be passionate? And the more I realize He loves me, the more I am able to love Him back.

I'm learning that people really do care. Though sometimes they're so caught up in themselves that they don't know how to get beyond that. I learned passion gives pain a purpose.

That's the short version.

Later.

Long time...

2007-01-19T10:58:00.001-07:00

Getting on a computer for the last two weeks has been a little sketchy. The roommate with the computer is in Paris. One of the other roommates got a computer for Christmas, but she's on myspace.com an awful lot... so it's difficult to get any computer time. Hence the lack of posting lately. Sorry about that.

Two weeks have gone by already since coming back. Time really does go fast and before I know it I'll be in South Africa. Granted, I need another $800 this month for the trip.

School's been good, I'm really glad to be back and in the swing of things again. Thursday's games night is back up and running with my adopt-a-families and last night I ended up doing my laundry there too since my aunt & uncle and family all have the flu. Thankfully I have a lot of people who are very generous and love me and take care of me here.

I would love to update more and I know I need to, but I'll be late for school if I don't take off now.

Later.

Been a while

2007-01-12T12:58:00.000-07:00

So, I know it's been a while.

Christmas vacation was really good. I'm so glad I got to see so many of my friends and family. Though two weeks didn't seem like enough time, I was so glad to come back to Redding. So, for Christmas I got a brand new Canon Digital camera! I'd put a picture on, but I forgot my cord, so I can't put them on yet. We'll, maybe next week. I also got a new set of luggage, which will be perfect for going to South Africa with! Yay!

A week has gone by and I'm back in the swing of things, people over often, going out often. Oh, and I'm doing 33 days of no sugar. Monday was my first day and I've done amazing so far. I actually haven't even had any sugar cravings... and just to clarify, it's refined sugars... so fruit and stuff is still ok, that and honey. I feel really good and every morning I've been having a fantastic breakfast... eggs, toast and a grapefruit. I'm on a health kick and we'll see how long it lasts this time. Probably just the 33 days! Ha!

Anyway... I'm behind on homework and need to catch up because it's due today.

Later.

I don't know

2007-01-03T22:42:00.001-07:00

Some days I don't know if I can do this. Vacation here in e-town has been good, but really hard too. In some ways it feels like I'm being watched and judged in everything I do. And I guess the worst part is that I don't feel like I measure up. I'm supposed to be changed and different and kind and gentle and loving and I just feel like a screw-up. Like nothing is different. Like what's the point. Once I go back to Redding... finish the year... what happens at the end? How do I come back and not take 10 steps back?

I'm probably just overtired and slightly emotional from everything that's going on... but regardless... it's still running through my head.

Fröhe Weinachten!

2006-12-25T12:36:00.001-07:00

Wow! Merry Christmas!

I've been home for a couple of days now, and it's nice. It's strange though because when I'm in Cali - I'm calling here home, and when I'm here home, I've been calling Cali home. It's confusing, but whatever. Really e-town is home, Cali is just my temporary home.

Anyway - just wanted to wish you a very merry Christmas and all that jazz. Oh - and tell you how amazing my brother is... he bought me a new 6 pc suitcase set. WOW!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you. Of course my parents bought me a digital camera as well, which was pretty incredible... now I can take really great pictures when I'm in South Africa! It's a Canon, great zoom... clear pictures... so fantastic.

We will be having a makeshift turkey dinner as the turkey got burnt (and no - I didn't make it, it's not my fault). Salmon and rice... I'm sad about that, so mom said we can have turkey later this week. Yay mom!

OK... that's really all for now.

3 sleeps

2006-12-19T13:28:00.000-07:00

Only 3 sleeps until I'm back in Edmonton for two weeks. I can't tell you how fantastic it will be to be home, with real food and a vehicle to get around, and not sharing a room with two other girls. Oh yeah, that's right... for this whole week we have 6 people in our two-bedroom apartment. In each room there's an extra sister visiting for the week. So, that will just make me appreciate my own space even more when I get home.

School's good. I'm still glad I'm here... I have one assignment I need to finish before we're done on Thursday. I'll have to do that tonight, it's almost a week late. But all my other assignments are in and done... which is great. I'm still totally pumped about South Africa... the more I think about it, the more excited I get!!! I finally get to go! Yay! When I go I have to teach on worship. Should be interesting. I know how to do stuff, but I'm not that great at teaching people how to do what I do naturally. So... I'll have to figure something out before March. But it's all good.

Anyway, brief update... I'm sure you don't want to read pages and pages anyway. If you want to see me over Christmas, call my parents house. I'll email out the number if you need it.

Merry Christmas!!!

Almost home

2006-12-10T10:33:00.000-07:00

Well, it was a good week. School's been normal... well, as normal as a completely different culture can be. Been busy with friends and taking advantage of my independance this week. I won't have the truck anymore after tomorrow because Aunty Carolea comes home so they'll need both vehicles. I loved having my own vehicle and I wish I had my car here.

I found out I'm accepted for the South Africa school mission trip! Woohoo!!! I'm so excited about that!

I'm currently working on my Christmas cards, which I'll hopefully get out on Wednesday. This whole long distance thing is a pain sometimes.

Soon I'll be home for Christmas! yay! Home, home, home, home. That is so flipping exciting! Instead of rainy and chilly, I'm coming home to snowy and cold. But it will be a nice change for the two weeks I'm there. I'm so excited about coming home, and about driving my car.

We have Shawn Boltz coming to school on Friday. I don't think I've ever heard him, but everyone's pretty excited. We get a guest speaker or two each month which is pretty great. They're always good.

I can tell I haven't updated in a while just because I don't know what to say.

So... I'm going to go now... make a trip to Costco to pick up my Christmas photos and put them in my Christmas cards. (Balie if you want one you have to email me your address).

Later.

Countdown

2006-12-01T10:21:00.000-07:00

Well, I'll be home soon. Just a couple of weeks before I'm flying into Canada! Yay!

After living on my own last week, moving back into a house where I share everything including a bedroom was a little tough. The break was such a huge treat for me... plus I got a little thank you present from the people!

Not too much to say right now... I'm still in my pj's and have to get ready to take my little cousins to the sitter, finish my homework and make it to my leaders meeting on time. So it's going to be a busy couple of hours. Fun times.

Short post, I know.

Later.

Back to school

2006-11-28T03:31:00.000-07:00

So tomorrow is back to school day. After all week of not seeing many school people and lounging around, it's back into the intensity again. I'm a little nervous. I know what to expect (sort of), but it's just one of those things.

I got a package in the mail, but no one was home so it's stuck at the post office right now. I'm so sad about that because I want to know what's in it!

Tomorrow my aunt leaves for Canada. I'll be there in three weeks. That'll be really great. And mom better remember to bring my parka to the airport!!! I'm not used to anything below freezing here. The only thing is the rain, but since I bought an umbrella yesterday, everything should be all good now. Well... mostly. The roof of HL's car leaks so the front seat is soaked if it's raining outside. Sad story.

Nothing really else going on. We emptied HBs air mattress and hid it in the kitchen when she was at Winco tonight. That was pretty funny. All the roommates are back together. I have to admit, I definitely enjoyed the peace and relative quiet I had... but the dogs were not worth it. Though... the huge bathtub was also a huge bonus.

Going to sleep now. Gotta get up early tomorrow.

Later.

Wild Meat

2006-11-27T17:06:00.000-07:00

I love wild meat. When the uncle's or friends brought it out... I was totally into it. In fact just two weeks ago I had venison stew for supper at a friends house and it was delicious.

So pets totally fit into the wild meat category!

My dates...

2006-11-25T23:44:00.000-07:00

Today I had dates with three handsome young men. Very young...

I took my three oldest cousins out. We drove away in the convertible with the top down (which I'm borrowing this week). First to McDonalds (I know, I know: "ew, gross") where we had lunch and then I let them play in the PlayPlace for an hour. After that we went to the mall where we visited one of the candy stores. They each bought a six-foot roll of bubble-gum tape.

Lots of fun. A few people commented on how cute my three sons are, and I kindly told them that these are my cousins. They are great kids though. And very fun to hang out with for the afternoon.

That was the highlight so far this week.

Especially since tonight I realized I have reading to catch up on for school on Tuesday. I'll be up late the rest of the weekend trying to finish everything I should have been doing all week.

Later.

Benefits

2006-11-24T23:00:00.000-07:00

The benefits of housesitting this week are not necessarily outweighing the responsibilities.

I am not going to ever own inside pets. They are ridiculous, messy, temperamental, messy, demanding, and not worth it.

There are two houses I'm looking after (next door to each other). I'm staying with the "good" dog and let me tell you, she's not even that good. When I leave she leaves pieces of food all over the house. I have to come home every 6-8 hours to let her out. Argh.

Better than next door though. First night here, he broke out of the house (he broke the latch on the porch door and knows how to slide it open), and then went around to the gate that I soon discovered doesn't close. That was fine(ish) the first night, but the second night there was a huge downpour and so I tied the gate shut and closed the door so he couldn't escape the yard. Well, unfortunately for the owners... he still had full access to the now very muddy back yard and being a dog... well, the house is trashed. The carpets, the bed, the couch, the comfy chair, the wicker chairs, the tiles... mud everywhere and I can't do anything about it. I can't lock him in the house (he broke the lock), so I told the owners when they called that their house is horrible.

Fortunately they're very understanding about it all. I say fortunately, but really, it doesn't matter. It's not my fault at all, there was nothing I could have done to prevent this from happening. They own a horrible dog. Gross.

Therefore... despite the advantage of a house to myself, and a car for the week... I think I would have been perfectly happy without the animals, my apartment, and perhaps I would have borrowed my aunts bike.

Remind me to never, ever, ever do this again.

Animals are good for one thing... eating.

American Thanksgiving

2006-11-24T02:54:00.000-07:00

So we just had our big dinner. Apparently everyone does Thanksgiving dinner on the Thursday unlike in Canada when we have it on any of the three days of the long weekend.

Today I got to Benj & Carolea's in time to help finish cleaning, organize children and peel potatoes. Fun times! Actually it was fun, I love my cousins and my aunt & uncle so it was totally worth it. I had invited one of my friends over, but somehow that didn't happen and it ended up being us family as well as another family.

Big dinner followed by some sitting time, and then a walk down by the creek and then pie. Then because I'm housesitting, which includes pet-sitting (remind me to never get a pet or take care of anyone else's ever again) I had to run out quickly to let the dogs out. It took a half hour to get there and back just in time to have pie and sit down to a game of Rook! Yay Rook! I forgot there's real people in the world, real people who love Rook! After games, we sat around and talked forever, so it was just like a real holiday, staying up way too late to party!

All in all, pretty decent holiday. The food may not have been exactly what I'm used to at home, but it was pretty good. And they did do the 24-hour turkey, which if all else failed (which it didn't), the turkey would've still been great.

I miss Dad's apple pie though. The homemade pumpkin pie was pretty good (I made the filling)!

And that's my story.

Later.

New Subject

2006-11-16T01:59:00.000-07:00

I have amazing friends and family...

I recently received the most wonderful package in the mail!!! So exciting! Though I have to admit, it also made me a bit homesick.

First, just a few weeks ago I had mentioned to God that I really wanted a painting for my room. I had also been hoping for a care package from home for some time. Well, my dear friend sent me a painting that is so beautiful. It's absolutely amazing and I hung it right away. Enclosed within the frame was a fantastic card she made me along with a cheque her & her husband and another couple went together in! Truly, I am blessed.

Friends who care for me from thousands of miles away. Family who calls me on a semi-regular basis and is flying me home for Christmas. Other friends who made it possible for me to come here when I didn't even know what I was doing.

Thank you God for everyone you have placed in my life.

In other news, Thanksgiving is next week and even though I'm not American, they are letting me celebrate with them! Actually the families that have adopted me are both out of town next week, so I'm looking after their dogs and houses and actually have a car for just over a week. So fantastic. Space to myself for a whole marvelous week, and the freedom of a vehicle. Plus Thanksgiving dinner with the aunt & uncle and another family. And if I didn't have enough, there are at least 5 other people who have invited me to have Thanksgiving with them in case I wasn't taken care of. How amazing!

By the way, I miss fried pickles at Oscars and quiz night. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

ciao.

Sozo... pt 3

2006-11-16T01:50:00.000-07:00

Alright... well you bring up really good points.

But really, I don't have a difinitive answer on this one. As far as I'm concerned, I'm going to do what it takes and if it means donating some money... whatever. I'm determined to take advantage of as much as I can while I'm here. And if they're not right in charging money, then I'm pretty sure God can deal with it better than I can.

So, I'm not saying I agree, or disagree. I'm saying I don't have the brainpower right now to give you a good answer or a good reason.

If I get a chance to ask them... I'll let you know what their specific answer is. Until then... you'll just have to deal with it!!!

Sorry.